


Blue Moon

by Silvex



Series: Once in a Blue Moon [1]
Category: Persona 3
Genre: Everyone Needs A Hug, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Lies, Psychological Trauma, Resurrection, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:47:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 25,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23451931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silvex/pseuds/Silvex
Summary: Minato thinks it would be a waste if his perfectly healthy body went on with nobody using it.Shinjiro would beg to differ. Loudly. But it's not as if Minato's ever been in the habit of listening to him.
Relationships: Aragaki Shinjiro & Sanada Akihiko
Series: Once in a Blue Moon [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1716409
Comments: 9
Kudos: 76





	1. Chapter 1

“All right. Let’s do this.”

Shinjiro is used to his voice going unheard. It sort of comes with the package of being dead and haunting your friends because you have literally nothing better to do. (Yoshino had been there, too, for a bit, but now she isn’t, and he still finds the whole thing really confusing.) People just can’t hear him, except for maybe Aki about a quarter of the time, and it’s been that way ever since he died.

Certainly, nobody ever actually, definitively, responds to him.

“Huh. I was wondering if you’d be here.” Arisato sounds remarkably composed for someone who is supposed to be preventing the apocalypse. “But then, you never really left, did you?”

“Finally, someone noticed.” He hasn’t exactly been trying to hide, or anything. (Most of the time, at least. There have been days when he was glad to be invisible.) “Still, don’t you have something more important to deal with?” Like the end of the world?

Arisato shrugs, looking as if he couldn’t care less about the fact that, if he doesn’t do anything, everyone that they care about is going to die. “I guess I should do something about that. It’s just...”

“What is it?” What could possibly be more important than making sure the others stayed alive?

“You care about everyone, don’t you? That’s why you stayed. Even if you can’t really look after them like this.” Nyx’s onslaughts still do nothing to the blue-haired Wild Card.

“Which is why I’m telling you to save the damn world, already.” He wouldn’t have gone up there without a plan, right? He has to have learned his lesson eventually.

“All right, then.” Arisato lifts his Evoker, points it to his head, and pulls the trigger.

It’s about fifteen seconds later that Shinjiro realizes exactly why he’d been asking him those questions.

* * *

  
  


The first thing Shinjiro notices is that he has a heartbeat.

It’s not exactly the easiest thing in the world to miss. One moment, he’s standing at the end of the world, working the fact that he doesn’t need to breathe anymore into the lectures he was going to give if the whole ‘saving the world’ thing didn’t work out, and the next, there’s a furious pounding in his chest that he hasn’t felt since October.

About a moment later, he works out that yes, he actually does need to breathe again, and that it would probably be a good idea to start doing that.

“Whoa, Minato, are you okay?” Iori asks, and it takes a few moments for Shinjiro to realize it’s him he’s referring to. Even then, it’s mostly because of the wave of blue taking up half of his vision. (He wonders, for a moment, how Arisato ever managed to do anything without being able to see things on his right side.)

“I’m fine,” He lies, still trying to work out in his mind what the hell is even going on. He’s alive again, he’s figured out that much, or he’s at least been shoved into a living body, but in that case, how did it happen, and where’s Arisato?

(Another, slightly less pressing question, is why this happened to him, of all people, and not someone more deserving, but that seems pretty unimportant compared to the fact that this all happened in the first place.)

Iori nods along, says something about how it’s fine, he just saved the world, of course they’re all tired from being out this late and fighting so many things. Shinjiro doesn’t listen too closely. It’s not like he’s really the one those words are meant for.

He mostly tunes the next minute or so out, until Takeba nudges him worriedly. “...Right. Roof at graduation. I’ll be there.” The others still look worried, but maybe they’ll have forgotten all about it by morning, with or without actual memory loss.

By the time they all get home, there’s still nothing that makes sense about this situation and Shinjiro has decided to just hope he somehow fell asleep and this is all some sort of weird dream. (It isn’t.)

* * *

  
  


The first thing Shinjiro does in the morning, once he’s sure this is somehow real, is find some paper clips to pin back Arisato’s mess of a fringe so he can actually see. Having his full range of vision back makes things a bit better, but not by much. (But what does he expect? It’s not like he can just avoid mirrors forever.)

The next thing he does is check the nearby phone, and come to the realization that he needs to figure out how to break up with all of Arisato’s girlfriends, because otherwise he’s not going to live past Valentine’s Day. (He was fine with dying for his own mistakes. Not so much for those of someone who’s biggest fault was an inability to say no to girls.)

How Arisato managed to date so many girls at once, including half the dorm, without getting found out is a mystery Shinjiro doesn’t think he ever wants to solve. Now, if only he knew who those other girls were… That could make things a bit more difficult. At least the SEES girls, if they remember, can maybe be talked down if he tells them the truth. (And if they believe him. He doesn’t know if he’d rather they did or not.)

...Except they don’t remember. Great. He’s going to die. Again.

He wonders if this was the real reason Arisato made him take his place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I barely have any idea where this is going, but let's see where it leads.
> 
> Minato didn't actually think his harem might be a problem, but that might be a 'him' issue.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shinjiro has two jobs: Pretend to be Minato, and end all of his relationships without triggering a horde of vengeful ex-girlfriends.
> 
> He doesn't actually know which of the two he finds more difficult.

It starts with the girls he doesn’t know. “I think we should see other people,” He tells the girl from the Student Council. She seems on the verge of tears, but he’s not going to take it back. He’s not the one she fell in love with. He had to check Arisato’s phone to make sure he even had her name right. (Admittedly, getting that wrong would be grounds to end the relationship, but Shinjiro would like to do this at least slightly tactfully.)

This is probably going to make the last few meetings of the year somewhat awkward, but it’s not like that wasn’t already a given. Shinjiro’s terrified Mitsuru will rediscover her powers and realize he’s not Arisato any moment now. (He doesn’t know if that happening would make things better or worse.)

Still, Mitsuru is the least of his worries. If there’s one good thing about everyone forgetting about the Dark Hour, it’s that she won’t think anything’s off if she recognizes his mannerisms. He can’t say the same about, say, Aki.

But he doesn’t have to worry too much about Aki, either. Not compared to the people Arisato used to actually spend time with. It’s been less than a day and already he’s starting to get strange looks.

He doesn’t know how to make them stop. He has no idea what Arisato would do about this, he never spent time with him. So far, making excuses about being tired has worked, but he just can’t keep doing that forever.

He also can’t just fake Arisato’s death and move to some small town in the middle of nowhere. He’s considered it, but it’d be too elaborate to do without support from, say, Mitsuru. Who would probably want to know why he’d want her to fund such a thing.

So that puts Shinjiro back at square one. Convincingly imitating Arisato while breaking up with his entire harem. Ideally without any of them discovering superpowers and trying to murder him.

At least he’s already managed part of the first step.

He thinks that, if he can free himself from one romantic entanglement a day, he should be perfectly safe by the end of the week. Hopefully, the Student Council girl and the sports girl will provide enough practice that he doesn’t have to worry about a vengeful cadre of ex-girlfriends who know where he sleeps. (But just in case, maybe he should start sleeping in his old room. It’s not like anyone ever bothered to clear it out.)

When he leaves the school, Aigis is standing there waiting for him. He’s not sure when she got into the habit- he spent most of his time at the school trying to help Aki get away from his fangirls- but it probably means the most next important thing is to get away from the school. “You’re still here?”

She nods, so earnestly that, if Shinjiro didn’t know better, he’d never suspect her to be anything other than human. At least until she opens her mouth. “I wanted to speak with you. This seemed like the most efficient method to actually do so.”

He shrugs, and sets off in the direction of home. Maybe he can take Koro-chan out for a walk later. That would be nice. “Go ahead and talk, then.”

Aigis follows after him, taking a few moments to decide what she wants to say. “Everyone has noticed you acting strangely, today.”

Is this what it’s about? Really? He already knows he doesn’t make a good Arisato, no need to rub it in. “Look, I told you, I’m just tired. I didn’t exactly get a lot of sleep last night.” What with the end of the world and all.

“...I suppose not. Though, could you tell me why you had trouble sleeping?” It’s never been easy to try and figure out Aigis’ emotions from her voice, but Shinjiro doesn’t see much reason to lie about this. Worst case, she thinks he’s joking, right?

“Not much. Just the apocalypse.” And coming back from the dead, and taking over someone else’s life, and the general worry that it wouldn’t even amount to much. (He might not have asked for this, but while being a ghost hadn’t been that bad, he’d rather not repeat the sort of things that made him one. They tended to be painful.) But he doesn’t want to mention that part.

Still, maybe he should have. Because Aigis definitely seems to be getting her hopes up.

“So… you remember, then?” She’s smiling, genuinely, and this is something that’s completely new to him. Something that’s not meant for him, but for someone who’s not even here. He supposes he’ll have to get used to it. (He really doesn’t want to.)

“I guess making me forget would have been a bit too much effort.” What with being in the wrong body and all. He’s not sure there’s any way he could have been convinced not to have a problem with it. (He brushes another strand of blue out of his vision, and wonders at what point post taking over an acquaintance's body it’s acceptable to get a haircut. And maybe some dye. He hasn’t decided yet.)

“Either way, I’m glad. I was worried that I was the only one. It’s nice to see that you remember as well, Minato-san.”

“Same here.” Shinjiro shrugs, before coming to a decision. “But you sort of got something wrong there.”

“What do you mean?” She sounds confused, and it’s no wonder. He almost doesn’t want to tell her. But he’s already started, so he can’t stop. (He doesn’t really want to.)

“I’m not Arisato.”

* * *

  
  


Shinjiro convinces Aigis to halt the conversation until they get home. Or, rather, he says he’ll explain once they get back and refuses to say anything else, secure in the knowledge that, so long as they are in public, she won’t try and blow him up. Probably.

This does not stop her from glaring at him when his back is turned. He didn’t expect it to.

Once they get back, he ushers her into his room. Nobody will look for them there, no living person has gone into it since he died. (Except Aki, once. But even he changed his mind about it halfway through the door.)

As soon as the door has closed behind them, Aigis is glaring at him once again. This time, she makes no effort to hide it. “Explain.”

Shinjiro shrugs, because really, how do you even begin with this sort of thing? “I dunno what happened, really. One moment, I was wondering why Arisato wouldn’t just save the world already, the next I was trying to figure out how he could see anything with all that hair in the way.” This probably wasn’t the best way to start. Oh, well. Too late now.

Aigis does not seem appeased. “Where is Minato-san?” As if he can give an answer when he still doesn’t know how any of this happened. He has a theory, but he really doesn’t want to be the one to break the news to her. (He has to, though. He’s the only one who knows about it.)

“I-I’m not sure.” He forces himself to breathe, because while he’s had the whole day to try and come to terms with it, he’s sort of been avoiding thinking about it beyond whatever he needs to to convince everyone. “But… if he’s not here, then… He’s probably dead.” It’s not like he had a working body for Arisato to switch into or anything. “I’m sorry, Aigis.” He really is.

Aigis falls silent. Shinjiro wonders if robots can have heart attacks. (The only reason he’s sure ghosts can’t is because otherwise Aki would have given him one by now.)

“...Aigis?” He wants to ask if she’s okay, but that’s a stupid question. Of course she’s not okay.

“You are not Minato-san.” Yes, he’d thought that was established. “Minato-san would not lie to me about something this cruel.” Now would probably be a bad time to mention the harem. “Who are you?” Honestly, he was sort of expecting her to ask that first, but it’s not like he’s ever understood her sense of priorities.

But just because he was expecting this question, doesn’t make answering it any easier. “Think about it. I know your name, I know about the Dark Hour…” He doesn’t want to say anything more. (He wants to hide, to let Arisato’s fringe fall back in front of his face and pretend this is all just a cruel joke, but if it is, the joke’s on him.)

“...I was wondering why you had brought us to this room.” He doesn’t feel anything about the fact that she’s catching on. He’s not sure if there’s anything he should feel. “You… are Shinjiro-san, correct?”

He nods, breathless, waiting for the robot to get upset. She probably won’t show anger the same way humans do, only a total idiot would let a combat gynoid out of the lab without teaching her to control her trigger finger, but it’s not like he’s ever had the highest opinion of the Kirijo scientists.

If robots could cry, Shinjiro’s sure Aigis would be doing so by now. But she doesn’t yell at him, which is sort of weird. Most of his prior experience with grief involves people yelling at him. (Admittedly, it tended to be justified, but still.)

“...I see. Thank you for telling me this.” Her voice is more robotic than usual. “Do you plan on telling anyone else about this?” Of course not. That would assume he had plans.

“...Maybe if they remember.” Or if something happens that makes them need their Personas again, because he’s very aware he won’t be able to hide if he ever uses his Persona again. Whether he summons Castor or something else, he still has the very unchangeable condition of not being a Wild Card, they’re bound to catch on.

“You should consider it.” Aigis’ voice is still flat as she leaves the room. Shinjiro follows her. He can sort through all of his stuff later. “I am sure that, no matter what, Akihiko-san would be glad to see you again. He has missed you very much.”

“I know.” It’s not like it was very easy to miss. “He didn’t have to, though. I was always right there with him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...So, yeah, I think Shinji just broke Aigis. Maybe she'll be okay? Probably not? I don't know, I just write this.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akihiko interacts with one of his underclassmen. (Shinjiro misses his brother.)

Akihiko wakes up around midnight with the sound of gunshots ringing in his ears.

This is not the first time this has happened. Akihiko’s mind has a large number of nightmares to choose from, when it decides it wants to torment him, this just happens to be one of the ones based on reality. (He prefers the ones that aren’t. At least in them, he can fight back.)

Maybe he should go out for a run. It’s not exactly encouraged, being midnight in early February, but it’ll help clear his head.

And his head needs clearing. Otherwise, he won’t be able to help but think about the past, about Shinji and how it’s only in his dreams that he remembers how he died, even though he was there. (And it always slips away right before he wakes up.)

Maybe he won’t even need to go running. Maybe he just needs to leave the room. He’ll try that first.

The hallway is completely silent. There’s no lights turned on anywhere in the building. Iori isn’t even staying up late to play video games. It’s like Akihiko is the only person left in the world.

Well. Almost the only person.

Minato opens the door to his room just a few seconds after he does, the bangs covering his right eye hastily pinned up with a paperclip that glints silver in the limited light. It’s hard to tell why he’s up, or why he bothered styling his hair at midnight, but it’s not like it’s any of his business. (Even if he’s being pushed towards him by a part of himself that he’s forgotten ever existed.) They’ve never really spoken before.

“Bad dream?” The underclassman asks, leaning against the doorframe like it’s the only thing keeping him from falling on the floor. (It is. Akihiko isn’t the only one who dreams of a bloody October night.)

While Akihiko has never really spoken to Minato before, he feels a strong urge to trust him. But he’s never been good at talking to people. He has no idea what to say. “How’d you…?”

“...People don’t just get up at midnight for no reason.” He concedes the point. “You okay?”

“I’ll be fine.” He’s not at the moment, but exercise tends to make him feel better, so it isn’t exactly a lie. “I just… need a bit of time.”

“...You’re going out, aren’t you?” Somehow, even without being able to see him clearly, Akihiko knows exactly what expression is on Minato’s face. It’s one of Shinji’s, the one that says ‘I know I can’t stop you, but I still think this is stupid.’ (Other memorable Shinji expressions include ‘Neither of us are any good at talking, but apparently that’s something we need to do right now,’ and ‘You’re my brother, and I love you, but you’re being an idiot.’ Akihiko might not be very good at reading people, but he’s picked up that much, at least.)

“It’ll only be for about fifteen minutes,” He promises. That should be more than long enough to tire himself back out.

Minato stares at him, eyes narrowed, before finally backing away. “I’ll hold you to that,” He finally says, and it’d probably be a lot more foreboding if he wasn’t keeping his hair out of the way with a paperclip.

It takes ten minutes for Akihiko to chase most of his demons away for the time being, and when he gets back, Minato has already vanished back into his room. He shoves all thoughts of their prior conversation aside and goes back to sleep.

(Shinjiro waits by the door until he hears his brother return to his room, the faintest hint of a whisper falling from his lips. “Good night, Aki.”)

* * *

  
  


The next day, Minato is still wearing a paperclip in his hair. This is the third day in a row he’s done so, so Akihiko guesses this is just going to be a thing now.

The foreign transfer student, Aigis, also notices the change. “Ah- may I ask about the paperclip?” It’s nice to see she’s feeling better today. Yesterday, she just moped around the lobby, for some reason.

“It lets me see better. And before you say anything, yes, I know I need a haircut.” The way Minato holds his fork makes it clear he’s not afraid to stab anyone who pushes the subject.

Aigis nods and leaves the building. She never stays around to eat breakfast, for some reason. Actually, Akihiko’s not sure anyone’s ever seen Aigis eat.

He supposes he could ask, but there’s really no good way to bring that sort of thing up, especially when it’s Minato that everyone suspects is a vampire. (They’re mostly joking, but there’s a few people who are serious about it. The Gekkoukan High rumor mill leaves no survivors.)

“I have some actual hair clips, if you want to borrow some,” Yukari offers. “...They’re a bit girly, though…”

She doesn’t quite receive a smile in return, but it’s close. “Thanks, but I think I’ll be fine.”

Akihiko still doesn’t think much of it. It’s not like he’s spoken to Minato often enough to have something to compare this with. Even if he really doesn’t come off as someone who’d know even this much about styling hair. Shinji didn’t, either, even if he only learned due to necessity.

He shouldn’t even be thinking about this. He should be focusing on making it through the last month before graduation.

(The part of the part of him that is Caesar that is Polydeuces sighs and goes back to the drawing board.)

* * *

  
  


Shinjiro manages to clear up Arisato’s outstanding relationships within three days through nothing more than good planning and a large number of excuses. He tells Mitsuru he doesn’t want a long-distance relationship, lets the sports girl know that he’d rather focus on running track without any sort of distractions. (Not that he really cares about track all that much, but it could be worse. At least this is a sport he vaguely knows.)

Takeba is told that he’d rather focus on his grades than anything else. Yamagishi gets the closest thing to the actual truth- that he just doesn’t think it’s a good time for a relationship.

With any luck, none of the girls are going to compare notes. If they do, maybe Aigis can put them off the trail, assuming she wants to. They’ve barely spoken, he has no idea what she wants from him.

Still, that’s step one completed. It’s over a week before Valentine’s Day, and he’s already significantly less worried about the girls deciding to kill him in his sleep. (He’s still going to sleep in his old room that night, though, just to be safe.)

Of course, that brings him to the next thing that he needs to sort out. The fact is, Arisato’s schedule is insane. Student Council, the photography club, track… Shinjiro just doesn’t have time for all those extracurriculars. Or the interest, really.

He needs to cut it down. Dropping everything, even between years, will probably get him more attention than he needs, though… He supposes he could keep one, but which?

...Well, he’s got a while to think about it. It should be fine so long as he’s decided by the start of the new school year, right?

For now, he’ll go home, try to sleep through the night, and maybe he can wake up without immediately struggling to take control of a body that doesn’t quite fit.

(He’s not getting his hopes up.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meet the other viewpoint character, who is currently having problems with the fact that this is a February fic. Not that it's his only problem, but it's one of the big ones.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Local idiots (and a robot) fail to cope, news at eleven.

“I still do not understand,” Aigis admits, when she starts talking to Shinjiro again on Thursday. “There has to be a reason that something like this would happen.”

The two of them are eating lunch on the roof- or, rather, Shinjiro’s eating lunch while Aigis watches. It’s a nice, quiet place where they don’t have to worry so much about being overheard. (It’s a place where, just for a bit, they’re allowed to be themselves.)

“It’s probably something Arisato did.” Even if he never asked for this. “I mean, he stopped the world from ending, and all. Compared to that…” Shinjiro doesn’t actually know how those two things stack up to each other, but it doesn’t seem like one would be immensely more impossible than the other.

Aigis nods along, her emotions no emotions visible on her face. Shinjiro knows the feelings are there, he just can’t see them. “If that is the case, though… why would he do such a thing?”

He shrugs. “If I figure it out, you’ll be the first to know.” If only because there’s nobody else he can tell. “Could be a lot of things.”

She’s looking at him, and he knows she’s curious, so he continues. “Maybe it was an accident. Maybe he was trying to do me a favor. Maybe he just… didn’t want to be here anymore.” And he doesn’t think he can say any more than that.

Sadly, Aigis doesn’t seem to notice. “He said he wanted to live.”

“People lie all the time. Just look at us.” She’s pretending to be human. One day, she might be allowed to stop.

He’s pretending to be Arisato. Barring changing his name and moving somewhere else, he’ll be doing so as long as he’s still breathing. (He’s not sure even that would save him.) “Besides, it’s only a possibility.”

“It was one of the first few that you mentioned.” Yes, but there are things Shinjiro just does not want to talk about, and this is very much at the top of that list. (It hits far too close to home.)

Suddenly, he doesn’t feel all that hungry anymore. “...I’m going back to the classroom. Don’t stay up here too long.”

She doesn’t follow him.

* * *

  
  


If there’s one thing Shinjiro feels secure in his ability to talk to other people about, it’s the subject of which clubs to drop. It’s something that doesn’t have the chance to get him killed, unlike Arisato’s dating habits, and it doesn’t involve things that nobody would ever believe.

Well. Nobody but Aigis. But if there’s one thing he knows about her, it’s that she should never be used as any sort of baseline. So when it comes to advice, she’s not exactly his first choice.

“Aigis said you wanted to talk to me?” Aki sits down across from him, and Shinjiro reminds himself to treat him less like his little brother, and more like an admired senpai. (He has no idea how to do so.)

“Yeah, I was hoping to get your help with something. See, this is my current schedule for extracurriculars.” Just about every day is marked. Some of them multiple times. Arisato was clearly insane.

“That’s… a lot.” Aki seems to be coming to a similar conclusion.

He nods. “So you can see why I want to cut back. Actually, I want to get rid of all but one of them, I just can’t figure out which one to keep.”

Aki takes another look at the schedule, which has not gotten any less crowded since the last time he checked. “So, you’re choosing between track, the photography club, and the Student Council?”

“That’s the plan.” So much as he can say he has one. “Any ideas?”

“I’m not sure how much help I’ll be… I guess we could start by asking how much of a commitment you want to make. I mean, keeping up with a sport’s a lot of work, and Mitsuru makes me think Student Council’s not much easier.”

“Lot less exciting, though.” He probably wouldn’t have kept it, anyway, that’s Mitsuru’s turf, but Shinjiro still crosses the Student Council meetings off the schedule. “I think I’ll pass. That leaves just track and photo club. Anything else?” (He already has a pretty good idea where this is heading. But he feels the need to ask, anyway.)

“Well, if you’re willing to put in the effort, sticking with track would be good for helping you keep in shape. There’s also…” Aki goes off on a tangent about the benefits of exercise. Shinjiro doesn’t mind. He’s sort of missed this. Sure, this is getting off topic, and he can’t get a word in edgewise, but… This is what home feels like.

The body he’s in is all wrong, almost everyone’s forgotten the Dark Hour, and sometimes it feels like he’s choking on all the lies he has to tell, but at least his brother hasn’t changed.

“So, you think I should keep running track?” It does, admittedly, have less emotional baggage in the sense that the girl associated with it is one he doesn’t have any real attachment to. “I mean, that’s basically what I’m getting out of this conversation.” It’s already gone on a lot longer than he usually lets it.

Aki freezes, as though he’s forgotten that he has an audience. “Sorry, I… guess I got a bit ahead of myself, there.” The enthusiasm drains from his voice, and Shinjiro is reminded that he and Arisato were basically strangers to each other. (That he doesn’t belong here.)

“I mean, you were being pretty convincing,” He adds, desperate for some way to salvage the conversation. “Have any other points?”

Aki still doesn’t seem sure of himself. “Well… I go running sometimes, and… I guess it just helps remind me that I’m alive.”

Shinjiro sort of gets it. The one practice he’s gone to left him gasping for breath, heart pounding, and for a little while, everything was that much more solid. Even if he’s not sure how much the reminder will do. (Even knowing that he’s alive, truly living seems to be beyond him at the moment.)

“Track it is, then.” He decides, crossing the photography club off of the schedule. “Thanks. I’ll try and pay you back for this some time.”

He already knows exactly how he’s going to do it.

* * *

  
  


Nobody in Iwatodai Dormitory cooks.

Not regularly, at least. Yukari sometimes brings back groceries so she can make something small for herself, and of course there’s the occasional attempts by Yamagishi Fuuka that are half-edible at most, but for the most part, the kitchen stands empty and meals are split between instant noodles, takeout, and breakfast cereal.

Either way, big, properly-cooked meals just are not a thing in the dorms, and Akihiko has lived in tacit understanding of that for almost as long as he’s lived there. (Whenever someone new moved in, he’d entertain the idea for a bit, only to get those hopes thoroughly crushed at the first opportunity.) As far he can tell, most of them have never cooked before in their lives.

If he had to choose which of the second-years looked like they could make a full meal, Arisato Minato would not even register on the list. Minato, as far as he can tell, lives entirely off of fast food, melonpan from the school store, and whatever he can steal from the fridge when everyone else isn’t looking.

It therefore probably doesn’t need saying that, when Minato said he’d repay Akihiko for club help, he was not expecting to be given a steaming platter of pancakes when he got home the next day.

And yet, apparently, that’s what’s happening. “You like these, right?” Minato asks, quietly, but not uncertain- as if he knows full well the kinds of things Akihiko likes to eat.

Which is really strange, because thinking back, Akihiko’s not sure the two of them have even spoken to each other before this week, but whatever. He’s not about to question something that gets him pancakes.

And these are good pancakes. Not quite like the ones he normally gets, but tasting oddly familiar all the same. (Pancakes were the first thing Shinji ever cooked successfully. They’re also the only thing he’s ever made for his brother.)

“...Thank you.” He’s not sure why he feels so sad all of a sudden- or rather, he does know, and he’s not sure why. Shinji’s been gone for a while now. He’s eaten pancakes since then. There is nothing about this situation that he hasn’t already sat through in the past several months.

So why does it feel like he could just reach out, and suddenly he’d be there?

“You all right?” He glances up, surprised, and Minato just shrugs. “You look upset.” As nonchalant as his words are, his face tells another story.

It’s another Shinji expression. The one that says ‘I’m not going to press, but if you need to talk, you know where to find me.’ (He never took him up on that. Maybe he should have. Maybe it would have encouraged him to do the same. Maybe then he’d still have his brother. Maybe.)

But this isn’t Shinji. It’s Minato. Someone he’s never really spoken to before this week

So he just swallows, says, “I’m fine,” and goes back to eating.

(The part of the part of him that is Caesar that is Polydeuces groans and starts wondering how he can go about acquiring a mental anvil.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The good news is, Shinji's made it through a week without blowing his cover.
> 
> The bad news is, staying hidden isn't actually helping him at all.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which objects hold sentimental value, and Shinjiro isn't quite prepared to confront that.

After a week, Shinjiro is forced to accept that this is probably a permanent arrangement.

Not that it hadn’t been obvious before. He wouldn’t have messed with Arisato’s schedule otherwise. It’s just that Shinjiro is very, very good at avoiding inconvenient truths when he has to, and he is very much not okay with this situation.

But the fact is, it’s been a week. Arisato has yet to come back, and odds are he never will. Shinjiro has practically mastered the art of taming hair with a paperclip. He does it without even thinking about it, and that’s about the point that it really settles in.

“Why is this even happening?” He mutters, not for the first time, and probably not for the last. There’s no answer. (Of course there isn’t.)

He sits down on the floor and leans against the bed, fingers brushing against a cardboard box of some sort that he hasn’t bothered to look in yet. Most of Arisato’s things have gone untouched- he only bothers with the phone because its owner never bothered to secure it, and he’s pretty sure the computer’s a lost cause- but he’s probably going to have to deal with them eventually.

It’s just a shoebox, that’s all, and there’s barely anything in it. Just a notebook and a knife.

But Shinjiro knows this knife, has carried it with him, given it to Arisato and then never seen it again. (He wonders how he could have forgotten.)

Until now. He picks it up, runs a finger over the engraving, and just for a moment, everything feels more settled.

And then he notices the index card it was sitting on, a messier version of Arisato’s usually-perfect handwriting scrawled across it in black ink pen.

_ If I were a better leader, would you still be here? _

“You being the leader didn’t have anything to do with it,” Shinjiro states, wondering if Arisato’s even listening. If he’s even there. (If anyone in the afterlife knows what happened to him.) “I don’t know if anyone could have stopped it, really.”

(Maybe there was a way. A way involving an older ghost, the self-proclaimed former god of time, and a story that Shinjiro’s still not quite sure he believes. But even if that’s the case, it still had very little to do with Arisato.)

There is, of course, no response. Even if there is, he knows he wouldn’t hear it, no matter how hard he listens. So he’s not sure why he bothers listening.

He reclaims his fruit knife. Replaces it in the box with an Evoker he’d previously just shoved into a desk drawer. Throws away the index card, because that’s far too many sappy emotions for him to deal with ever.

He doesn’t open the notebook. He might one day, but for now it feels like something that he’s not meant to touch. (For now, the story of a pink alligator goes unread.)

The box of grief is slipped back under the bed and hidden from the light of day.

* * *

  
  


Arisato’s room is full of odds and ends. An old, charred screw sitting on the corner of the desk, a cute handmade keychain that holds a number of keys, of which one of them is decorated in such a way that it looks like it’s covered in frosting. A cheap lighter, a pressed flower petal and persimmon leaf, even a trio of bookmarks with an odd feeling of power to them. All of them are things that Shinjiro knows he shouldn’t touch.

Sometimes he can’t avoid it. He’s not sure if removing the cell phone strap would make Takeba more or less upset than if he keeps using it, but she seems willing to leave him be at the moment, so he decides not to mess with it.

As for the headphones… Well, he doesn’t think anyone’s ever actually seen Arisato without his headphones. But it doesn’t feel right keeping them, either. (Not that anything really feels right at the moment, but more so than usual.)

Arisato’s playlist, too, is a collection of odds and ends, soft, melancholy songs paired with fast, upbeat ones without any real order. Shinjiro gives it a listen once, when Iori is playing video games loud enough to hear through the wall.

The music’s nice, he guesses. If he were a bit more alright with the fringe, he could let it down, hide himself away from the world completely, and not have to deal with… anything, really.

But he doesn’t. Because that’s not him. More than once, he’s woken up in a panic because he made the mistake of falling asleep on his left side and couldn’t see anything. (As opposed to the times he’s woken up in a panic because he dreamed about dying, or fire, or… suffice to say, sleeping is far from his favorite activity at the moment.)

He’s not sure he wants to keep the headphones. If he does, he’s at least going to replace the music player. Money’s not exactly an issue, he’s currently one of only two people who even knows that the SEES funds exist, and that’s a small fortune right there. (And it’s not like any of them ever kept track of exactly how much is in there. Money comes in at a surprisingly quick pace, and trickles out to fund whatever one of them wants but doesn’t already have the cash for. That’s just how this works.)

...It’s going to take some thinking about. For now, however, Shinjiro removes the headphones and music player and places them on Arisato’s desk, next to the old screw. He can figure out what to do with them later.

Assuming, of course, that he can ever bring himself to touch them.

* * *

  
  


Compared to Arisato- or to anyone, really- Shinjiro never kept much in his room. He also never got around to taking his things back out of their boxes. If anything, he was just always putting new things in.

He’s not sure what everyone thinks of the weapons in their rooms. He knows Aki probably doesn’t think much of it, or Takeba, unless they’ve left their Evokers out, but what about Iori? Mitsuru? Ken? How has nobody tripped over Koro-chan’s knife collection yet? (Then again, it’s only been a week. There’s still time.)

Honestly, he’s not sure what he’d be thinking if he lost his memories and suddenly realized he owned an axe. Probably start wondering if he’d gone crazy somewhere. (Honestly, he still hasn’t ruled it out.)

He doesn’t look for it, but Shinjiro knows that his Evoker is still in the drawer where he left it. He’s not sure if he could bring himself to use it again, but that’s fine, because he also has zero interest in ever trying.

Since he died, this room has, for the most part, been undisturbed. A bed, a desk, and some boxes, all covered in a layer of dust. As if it’s been waiting for him.

He can’t spend too long in here. People will notice, and start to wonder. But this is his place, the closest he can get to somewhere he belongs. (Assuming, of course, that he can belong anywhere, anymore.)

Shinjiro sits down behind the boxes, and wonders what it would take to get all his things back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...The truth, Shinji. If you want your stuff back, you will have to tell people the truth.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akihiko begins to suspect.

On Tuesday, Akihiko starts to realize that there’s something off. Or, well, he’s been aware, for the past week, that things are slightly different than they were before, but he thought it was just Minato’s new hairstyle, or the fact that he was approaching him.

Today, however, he starts getting the nagging feeling that something is not just different, but wrong in some way. Like he’s missing some crucial piece of information that could turn the whole world on its head.

And it starts, oddly enough, with Junpei. Now, Akihiko and Junpei are sort-of friends, in the sense that they hang out sometimes and Junpei gives Akihiko a helping hand if he wants to avoid the fangirl swarm, but usually it’s just a thing that happens at random when the both of them have nothing better to do that day. (Akihiko thinks this is Junpei’s way of thanking him for giving him a way out of his old situation, but he’s not about to go right out and ask.) The times when their schedules coincide take place after school, or in the evenings.

Not first thing in the morning. “Hey, have you noticed Minato’s been acting kinda weird lately?” The jokester in the baseball cap asks, glancing at the stairwell that their shared acquaintance hasn’t yet descended.

“What do you mean?” It’s not that Akihiko hasn’t noticed anything different about him. But that could just be the fact that they’ve never talked before, and now they are. He’s not sure he’s entirely qualified to give his input on this.

But Junpei is seeking it anyway, for some reason. “I don’t know. Everything? Like, he’s somehow managed to be quieter than before- don’t know how that happened- and none of the girls are talking to him anymore but Ai-chan, and she’s… weird.”

Weird is certainly one word to describe her. Aigis doesn’t eat, is available at literally any point, night or day, and has picked up entire armchairs because the dog lost one of his toys under them. (How they came about sharing ownership of a dog is another one of those things Akihiko doesn’t quite understand, but Koro-chan, at least, is too adorable to spend time worrying about.) Nobody ever shares notes about her, but if they did, it would just leave them with more questions than they already have.

They all know better, by now, than to question Aigis. None of them think she’ll lie to them, they just aren’t sure they want to know the answers.

Still, Aigis’ eccentricities are all things about herself more than the people she talks to. Akihiko’s not even sure she talks to people at all, really, except Minato. “Is that really so important?”

“He’s keeping his hair up. With a paperclip. He’s actually cooking, and didn’t manage to burn the dorm down! It’s like he’s possessed or something.”

Akihiko rolls his eyes. “Maybe he’s just trying to get his life together. You’d know about that sort of thing, wouldn’t you?” He doesn’t really remember how Junpei managed to get his girlfriend, but she’s been good for him.

Junpei looks at him like he’s an idiot. (The part of the part of him that is Caesar that is Polydeuces agrees with that assessment. He’s been dropping hints that Shinji is there since he started haunting them, surely his other self should have caught on by now.) “He’s only really talking to you and Ai-chan! Don’t you find that just a little bit weird?”

Those words shouldn’t really change anything. They’re just repeating something that came before. But hearing them there, in that order, something clicks.

Akihiko can’t remember ever talking with Minato before roughly a week ago. Despite living in the same building, the two of them have never really run in the same circles. And yet, when Minato wanted help with something, he turned to Akihiko first.

Aigis is strange. She doesn’t really interact with people other than Minato. Akihiko thinks it’s because she doesn’t have anyone else. Sort of like him and Shinji, when they were young. (Or him and Mitsuru, back in second year, while Shinji wandered off for some reason and never let himself really be friends with anyone else ever again. But that bit’s depressing, so he doesn’t really like thinking about it.)

Minato and Aigis talking to each other isn’t weird at all. Minato turning to Akihiko more often than even her, while no longer talking to anyone else… That’s another story.

“Is it really all that different?”

Junpei sagely nods. “It’s like he’s a whole nother person.”

* * *

  
  


The fact is, however, that Akihiko can’t really see the differences in Minato because he has absolutely no idea what Minato is like normally, assuming that the one he’s been talking to isn’t normal. He is very much not qualified to be looking into this.

And so, despite the protests of a part of himself that, even after changing into something else and being forgotten, never quite learned how to shut up, he puts any thoughts about Arisato Minato not being quite the same as he was before the past week out of his mind.

It’s just another thing about his life that doesn’t make sense. Aigis is stronger than she should be. Somehow, the dorm managed to acquire a dog. The winter chill follows Mitsuru everywhere she goes. (There’s a piece of lightning trapped beneath his skin, and he just can’t get it out. He doesn’t remember how.) He doesn’t remember anything about the night his brother died.

So what if one of the people he lives with has suddenly changed his entire lifestyle? It’s not his problem.

What is his problem, however, is the fact that there’s a gun in his desk.

He doesn’t even know how it got there. Five minutes ago, he was passing Aigis taking the dog’s order so Minato could make a big, fancy meal for him. Now, he’s gotten upstairs, opened his desk drawer, and there’s a gun sitting there.

Or… well… something that looks a lot like a gun, at least. Upon further investigation- meaning that he’s just sitting there staring at it- he’s pretty sure that it isn’t real. He could probably go online to make sure, but he’s not sure that firearms design is something he really wants sitting there in his search history.

Besides, real or not, that still leaves the question of how it got there. (The pocket watch, sitting next to it, is a bit more understandable. A vaguely-familiar police officer gave it to him at the funeral. He would have carried it with him, if he wasn’t so terrified of somehow losing it.) The fact is, he’s as certain as he can be that he’s never seen a pistol like this before in his life. (He is, of course, wrong.)

Eventually, however, curiosity drives him to take a closer look at it. He picks it up, carefully, noticing that there doesn’t seem to be anywhere to put actual bullets in. There’s letters engraved on it.  _ S.E.E.S. _ He doesn’t know what they mean. (There’s an armband with those same letters just underneath his bed.)

This object… there’s something about it. Something powerful. Akihiko wonders, not for the first time, just what it is he’s missing.

He could find it out, he knows he could, somehow. All he has to do is pull the trigger. He knows how to do it, too, the weight of the gun being oddly familiar in his hand. If he does that, maybe the world will even make sense again. But…

(Gunshots ring out on a cold October night.)

...He can’t. He drops the gun back into the drawer, where he intends to keep it for as long as he can. (Retrieves the pocket watch. Not for any real reason he can think of, but it’ll be nicer to have it out where he can actually see it.)

When he goes downstairs again, Minato looks at him with the same expression he did after he gave Akihiko the pancakes. For a moment, he even considers that it could still mean the same thing.

But he’s not sure Minato would believe him even if he did say anything, so he stays quiet and pretends that he didn’t see anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, I wouldn't actually be all that surprised if, post-Trismegistus, Junpei has the potential to be a navigator and he's just too busy setting everything on fire to bother with it. And when he's not, he just has no idea what he's even doing because that's not a natural part of his skillset.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shinjiro's mask starts slipping.
> 
> Aigis makes a decision.

Arisato’s phone, Shinjiro finds, has become arguably the best source of information he has access to.

This is, admittedly, partially because he still has yet to guess the computer password, but also because Nishiwaki looks like she probably could kill him barehanded if she tried, and forgetting her name would probably be the exact motivator she needs.

Still, since this is the club he’s keeping, he figures that, in a roundabout way, he did sign up for this. This is just what he deserves. (Similarly, the general exhaustion and such is just what he gets for trying to do sports in a body he doesn’t know.)

He doesn’t really talk to his teammates. It seems like Arisato got along with them well enough, but wasn’t necessarily the type to hold a conversation with them. Fits with what he knows about him, so it makes sense.

More importantly, it means that none of them think twice about how he distances himself from them. As little as they would have known Arisato, they know Shinjiro even less. Perfect if he wanted to make new connections, except he can’t even maintain any of the connections from before. His or Arisato’s.

(Aigis would beg to differ. It’s just that no one ever asks her.)

One thing Shinjiro admits to being good at is strategic ignorance. If he doesn’t want to interact with someone, he won’t, simple as that. Even Aki has never been able to get past that, and he’s had over a decade to try. He can block out the entire world, if that’s what he wants to do.

Sadly, he’s never quite managed the opposite. Never thought he’d even need to. He’s still not sure that’s what he wants, really, even ignoring the question of whether or not he’s allowed to. (He’s not sure he is. What he has now is already far more than he deserves.)

“I see practice has let out.” He also doesn’t know why Aigis is here. She’s known he’s not Arisato since the very beginning. (He does know why. It’s because she doesn’t have anyone else.)

Shinjiro nods, more tired than anything else, and wondering why he signed on for this.

...Right. Because of Aki. He needs to stop letting his brother talk him into doing things. “Have you been here this whole time?” He knows she doesn’t have to eat or anything, but she definitely has to have something better to do.

She shrugs. “I have compiled a list of the places that Akihiko-san’s fans prefer to spend their time. I am not sure how useful this information will be anymore, but it was interesting to discover.” Well. It’s nice to know she’s having fun.

“Huh. Didn’t think anyone would be able to do that.” Sure, it’s too late to be much use, but she still managed to gather the information in a single afternoon. It’s probably a good thing he’s being honest with her, or she would have figured him out without taking much time at all.

“It is not much different from Shadow distribution in Tartarus.” Still, Aigis smiles, as if she’s glad to have her efforts recognized. “If anything, it is more logical, and therefore, predictable.”

Out of habit, Shinjiro glances around, even though he knows Aigis wouldn’t bring up the subject unless she was absolutely certain there’s nobody else in earshot. “You never told anyone you could do that.”

“Nobody asked. And Fuuka-san was already doing a much better job of it than I ever could.” She looks down, as if she’s ever actually had to pretend that she walks normally. “Sometimes, I wanted to tell Minato-san. To see if he would have found me to be of more use to him. But it was illogical, and unimportant.” Shinjiro knows the feeling.

If someone had told him, three years ago, that the person he’d be most able to connect with was a robot, he wouldn’t have believed them. And yet, here he is.

* * *

  
  


For the first time that Akihiko can remember, circumstances have aligned so that he, Minato, and Junpei are the only people in the building. ...Well, okay, Ken’s probably upstairs doing homework, but so long as they don’t go upstairs themselves, there’s no proof of it.

Unsurprisingly, the first topic of conversation is the question of where, exactly, the girls have gotten off to. The idea of a girls’ night comes up, of course, though Junpei doesn’t seem to think that that’s the answer.

“I mean, I can sort of get it with Yuka-tan, and Fuuka-chan, but Mitsuru-senpai? She’s a total ice queen!”

“Empress, actually.” Akihiko and Junpei both glance at Minato, who blinks in surprise, like he hadn’t noticed what he was saying, before he continues. “She’ll freeze you if you get it wrong.”

It’s not a particularly good joke, Akihiko admits. But he still finds himself smiling at it. (He was the first one to make it, after all, even if Shinji’s the only one he ever shared it with.)

“...It does fit,” Junpei agrees. “I’d totally buy that. You know, if she could actually freeze people.” What, is being able to do it with her glare not good enough?

“...You have met her, right?” Akihiko’s not sure if it’s him or Minato who asked that question, but the point still remains. Mitsuru’s scary when she wants to be. He remembers Kyoto. (Well, he remembers being discovered, and waking up three hours later exhausted and with an odd chill encompassing his entire body, but close enough.)

“I meant that literally! I know how cold she is!”

Minato sighs and shakes his head. Akihiko almost expects some sort of quip, but none is forthcoming. He supposes there’s only so much effort that he can bother to expend.

It’s odd, but… for a moment, it feels like the three of them are all real friends.

* * *

  
  


Shinjiro wonders how he could have let himself slip so badly.

He knows that neither of them have caught on. They can’t, they don’t understand. He could talk, completely honestly, about everything the three of them are capable of doing, and the other two would just think he was making an elaborate metaphor. And it’s not like the words themselves are any clue to his identity so long as Aki doesn’t understand the joke.

But the fact remains that one day, they could understand. They could remember, and maybe Aki would think he just came up with it completely on his own- it’s not like it’s hard to come up with an Arcana joke- but that’s still more of himself than he’s really comfortable showing. (What if they find him out? What then?)

Ever since he died, there’s been a wall between him and the rest of the world. And he knows that, if he doesn’t want to be seen, he can’t let that wall down. (And when he does want to, it refuses to budge.)

“What was I thinking?” He mutters, tracing the engraving on his fruit knife. “What if they figured it out?”

He’s not sure how they’d react, in all honesty. But he doesn’t think they’d believe him, at first. (And maybe that’s a good thing- it means he wouldn’t have to face them.) And he’s not sure what would come next.

The reflection on the blade just sits there. That is, of course, what a reflection does. He hasn’t had one that looks like himself in a long time, but Shinjiro understands that much.

It doesn’t stop him from hating it. “Don’t know why you thought this was a good idea,” He addresses Arisato, who probably isn’t listening but it doesn’t hurt to try. “I ain’t cut out for this whole thing.”

He doesn’t know if he’s talking about hiding, or about life in general. (He’s not sure he wants to know.) He just knows that he can’t keep this up forever.

Shinjiro fixes the wall firmly back in place, and tells himself that things are better this way.

(He doesn’t believe it.)

* * *

  
  


It is Thursday, and there is still a gun in Akihiko’s desk. “Do you ever just find something in your room, and not have any idea where it came from?” He asks, not sure why he’s bringing it up, but unable to avoid the question any longer.

“What do you mean?” Minato looks up from one of Shinji’s cooking magazines- they never did get around to cancelling his subscriptions- with an only vaguely-interested look on his face. (Of course, with Minato, vague interest seems to be the most anyone ever gets anymore.)

Akihiko shrugs, because he doesn’t think there’s any way to really talk about this without making things weirder than they already are. “You know, just… things that you never knew you had, but are right there.”

At first, all he gets in return is a halfhearted shrug. “Why do you ask?” And that’s something he really can’t think of a way to answer.

“...No reason.” He sort of wonders what would happen if he told the truth, that he’s wondering about the origins of something that sits in his desk, but has something about it that he’d never be able to describe.

Minato nods, and flips to another page of his magazine. “I guess I’ve got a few things. Don’t know what they could possibly be from, but they seem important.” Important in the same way as the gun? Or is it something else?

Maybe it’s not just something about Minato. Maybe this whole dorm is strange, and Akihiko only really started registering it about a week ago. Maybe, if he asked everyone else, they’d be able to come up with their own stories, their own side of a mystery that should maybe have been questioned long ago. (That he doesn’t feel wholly allowed to question, even now.)

...And if that’s the case, then he knows exactly where to start.

* * *

  
  


As far as Akihiko can tell, nobody has ever gone into Aigis’ room but Aigis. Actually, Aigis herself doesn’t spend all that much time there, either. She’s always talking with the dog, or watching the television, or sitting on the roof. (She’s technically not supposed to go up there, but he’s not sure there’s anything out there that can stop her.)

Of those places, it’s the roof where he finds her, staring up at the night sky and the moon that’s barely there. “Are you going to come back in for dinner?” He asks, shivering against the cold breeze. He is just not made for winter.

She shakes her head. “I do not require food.” Which is a weird way for someone to say that they’re not hungry, but okay, then. “Is that all you came for?”

Akihiko’s not sure there’s any good way to answer. “There’s… something wrong, isn’t there?” He asks without thinking.

Normally, when he talks to girls openly, they just end up thinking he’s weird. (Mitsuru’s an exception, but Akihiko’s not sure which one of them that’s saying more about.) Aigis is her own brand of eccentric, but he can’t help but worry she’ll be the same.

“Something… wrong?” Aigis reaches for her headphones, as if to make sure she heard him properly. “In what regard?”

“I don’t know.” Which makes him feel even more ridiculous, but he can’t help it. He knows things aren’t supposed to be this way. (If only because the part of the part of him that is Caesar that is Polydeuces has decided to throw subtlety out the metaphorical window.) “I just know it is.”

Aigis nods along, and actually approaches him. “When did you start noticing this? Was it within the past two weeks?” He’s not sure how she knows this. He’s not sure that he wants to know. (But he does, if only so things can start making sense again.)

“Do you know what it is?” He knows he should probably go into detail- the gun, Minato, the holes in his memory- but Aigis has already guessed so much that he’s suspecting it wouldn’t actually be needed.

Aigis nods, but doesn’t answer. “I believe that you should be asking Minato-san about this. Tell him what you are experiencing, and I am sure you will get a better explanation for it than I could ever provide. It would be best if he is the one you get your answers from.”

(Sitting in Arisato’s room, Shinjiro gets the distinct feeling that he’s just been sold out.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aigis: "I am not fully sure how friendship works, but I am positive that Akihiko-san and Shinjiro-san are doing it wrong."


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shinjiro lies to himself.
> 
> Akihiko wants to find the truth.

In the middle of the night, Shinjiro returns to his room.

He’s breathing shakily, his most recent attempt at sleep drawing him so deeply into the realm of nightmares that he’s not entirely sure he’s alive. But that’s been happening ever since he came back, more or less, and he hasn’t let it stop him yet. (Admittedly, this is almost certainly for lack of trying.)

The door creaks, of course. That’s just what happens when a door is left in disuse for months or years on end. It’s not very loud, but it does a lot to add to the atmosphere of the dorm at night, even if he knows he’s probably the closest thing to a ghost to walk these halls. (Regularly, at least. He’s sure the others haven’t stopped randomly dropping in just because he has a body again, he just can’t notice them anymore.)

It doesn’t exactly help him reassure himself that the world’s not about to turn green within the next few minutes, or that it isn’t somehow wrong for him to be here. But he pushes those thoughts aside, because at the moment it’s better than sitting in a room where he knows with every beat of a stolen heart that he doesn’t belong.

His room is still empty. Nobody’s disturbed it since he was last here, a relic left so untouched by time that it almost feels like he’s stepped right back into October, complete with a calendar on his desk which has the fourth circled. (If anyone asked, he’d say he was counting down to the full moon. He wasn’t.)

If only it were that easy.

He removes his knife from his pocket and rubs a finger over the engraving.  _ Aragaki Shinjiro _ , it says, a name he hasn’t been called by in weeks, and maybe not ever again. He misses it.

(Aigis, for all that she knows he doesn’t want her to get it wrong, has only gotten to the point of not calling him by any name at all. It gets them less odd looks in public, so he can’t really say he minds it.)

“This is… all just going to be forgotten then, isn’t it?” It comes out as a whisper, as he looks around the room, at the few things that he claimed as his, and then never let go. (Well, maybe not all of them.) “When the year ends, they’re not gonna have any choice but to clean this all up.”

Maybe he can save a few things. Take a few small odds and ends and keep them with Arisato’s things. Things that are both cared about, and small enough no one would notice. The rest of his knife set, his pocket watch if he can find it… Just enough to remind him of who he really is.

But if that happens, it’ll be for another night, one where the inevitability of returning to Arisato’s room feels less like he’s the victim of some big cosmic joke.

Tonight, he just needs to be alone with his thoughts. Which given his general mental state is probably a bad idea, but that’s never stopped him before. He wanders up to the desk and takes a look out the window, at a view he never really took the time to appreciate before. Sure, it’s nothing special, but it maybe should have been given some thought in the past few years.

Maybe he’ll have another year to appreciate it. It’s not like anyone knows why there shouldn’t be.

“Just imagine,” Shinjiro tells himself, “A world where nobody suspects a thing.” Even just saying it, it’s not something he really likes the sound of. That’s just… how the world looks like it’s going to be. No memories, no Shadows, no Personas.

...Well. Two Personas. Pallas Athena and Castor. Who will likely never appear as anything but faster healing, or in picking up things that he really shouldn’t be able to. Maybe the ability to randomly make people punch themselves in the face, he likes that one.

He tells himself it’s better this way.

(He’s not sure he believes that, either.)

* * *

  
  


He hadn’t meant to fall asleep.

The fact is, Shinjiro doesn’t know how anyone would react if they found him in his room and didn’t know the truth. (And he’s not prepared to tell anyone the truth.) And he knows, for a fact, that the best way to deal with that situation is to not let it happen.

And the best way to not let it happen is to not sleep in his room. All he’d wanted to do was just… sit down for a while, pretend that he really had stepped out of February and back into early October.

And then it gets harder and harder to stay upright, and before he knows it, he’s blinking awake early on a Friday morning. Early enough that there’s a chance everyone else might not have woken up yet, but not so early for Shinjiro to be completely sure of it. He doesn’t know everyone’s sleep schedule, he just wakes up when Arisato’s body tells him to.

He supposes he should leave now, before everyone is certainly awake, because the alternative is waiting for them all to leave, and he doesn’t think Arisato’s ever been late to school. Not whenever he’s paid attention to him, anyway.

He manages to close Arisato’s door behind him just as Aki’s door opens. He can tell, somehow, that his brother is lingering in front of the just-closed door, and he wishes he’d woken up sooner. The less attention he gets, the better.

But Aki’s gone by the time Shinjiro actually has everything together that he needs to get through the day, so he doesn’t allow himself to think much of it. (He pushes away what little hopes he has, down to the depths of his mind where they will hopefully never resurface, tries telling himself it’s for the best, and can’t even think the words properly. Of course it’s not better like this.)

He’d thought, during those years he spent away, that he knew what it was like to be alone in the world. It’s only now that he realizes just how wrong he was.

* * *

  
  


Akihiko has spent a sleepless night trying to figure out what questions he should ask Minato, if he ever manages to get Minato alone in order to question him.

He’s got a lot of questions. Why he’s been acting differently lately, why Aigis never eats, the gun in his desk are all minor ones that probably have answers. And that last one is probably something he should ask at the first opportunity, if only so that he can stop questioning it.

But there are bigger things, too. Things that feel more important, even if the answers would be harder to get. Things like what happened in Kyoto, or the tingling, electric sensation that rests almost permanently at his fingertips.

He could ask about Shinji, see if his brother was caught up in it all, or if his forgetting really is just the trauma like the doctors said. (He’s not sure what he wants the answer to that one to be.)

For the most part, he doesn’t even know if he’s actually forgetting anything, or if he’s just overlooked this stuff for far too long. How much of this Minato would know the answer to, even if Aigis said he’d be better off going to him. He’s spent the whole night thinking about it, and he still hasn’t managed to come up with any kind of answers. It all just feels too unreal.

Minato is the last one down to breakfast, seems to be the last one awake, except Akihiko could swear he saw his door move that morning. Hair paperclipped securely in place, he looks like he’s gotten better sleep last night than he has in weeks. (He has. It’s strange, how much of a difference feeling like you belong can make.)

But he’s late down to breakfast, and of course they have to go to school, so they can’t talk yet. And Akihiko spends the morning questioning.

What is it, about the dorm, that only Aigis and Minato know? Is anyone else questioning this? Or are they just going through life with bits of confusion that they can’t shake, but unable to think of any other way it could be? Assuming, of course, that they’re confused by anything at all, and he’s not just the only one to notice. (Assuming he hasn’t gone insane.)

Minato’s at the center of it. That much, he figures out on his own. Aigis is the strange one, the one that does impossible things in the background, but everything only began to click into place once Minato started wearing that paperclip.

Akihiko knows better than to try and blame the world not making sense anymore on a piece of metal continuously stuck in someone’s hair. But the timing, at least, fits.

And then, at lunchtime, as if there’s a little voice in the back of his head telling him exactly where Minato is, he goes up to the roof. He’s there, along with Aigis. They both notice him immediately.

“I have just realized that I misplaced my lunch,” Aigis says, as if they all don’t already know she never bothered with packing one. “I will talk to the both of you later.” And then she’s gone.

Minato stares after her with a betrayed look on his face. “Did- did she just-” He cuts himself off, shaking his head. “What did she tell you?”

His voice is quiet. Scared, almost. Akihiko can’t see why he’d be that way. (The part of the part of him that is Caesar that is Polydeuces doesn’t understand, either. How could Shinji be afraid of his own brother?)

“Nothing, really. Just that I should go to you if I had any questions about the past couple of weeks. Or, well… before that.” He’s not sure what else to say. If there’s anything to say. He sits down with his lunch, figuring that he should probably actually eat something.

“You’re… going to have to be a bit more specific than that.” Minato, too, has his lunch out, but he’s just picking at his food, as if he’s suddenly lost his appetite. “What you said… it could mean a lot of things, you know?”

“There’s something missing.” He’s so certain of it, there’s no hesitation when he says the words. He’s never really been one for hesitation, anyway, but this is different. There’s an actual urgency there. “I just think back, and… there’s holes. Things I don’t remember having in my room, things I just don’t remember. And I’m not sure why.”

Minato lets out a single, shaking breath, and doesn’t look Akihiko in the eye. “...Never thought I’d see you going to some stranger for help. Not sure anyone would. They all think of you as… an undefeatable boxing Emperor or something.”

Emperor.

He’s heard that word before, of course, in history lessons that he’d try and pay at least some amount of attention to. But it means something different this time, he knows it, and…

...And something must click, if only for a moment, because the next words out of his mouth are, “Shut up, Shinji.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aigis' thought process is that she doesn't like what grief feels like, doesn't want any of her friends to deal with it, and while she can't fix most of them, she can fix Akihiko.
> 
> Of course, it really shouldn't have worked, and whether or not it does depends on how Shinji responds to Aki reflexively addressing him, but let's ignore that for a moment, shall we?


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shinjiro tells the truth.

Shinjiro freezes. Forces himself to look up at Aki, whose own eyes have widened in shock. Aki, who is shaking just as much as him.

Aki, who just said his name.

(He wonders if there’s any way to salvage this situation. He doesn’t think he wants to, but it’d be nice to have the option.)

“S-sorry.” And now it’s Aki’s turn to look away. “I don’t know why I thought-”

“I do.” The words come out without thinking, but he doesn’t put in any real effort to stop them. “I know why. I just don’t think you’d believe me if I told you.” The invisible wall between the two of them is crumbling away, leaving nothing but a pair of adoptive twins who desperately need to have a conversation.

Maybe this conversation comes a bit faster than one of them would have liked, and late enough that the other had to suffer longer than was strictly necessary, but that doesn’t change the fact that it has to happen.

“Try it,” Aki urges, the tone of his voice demonstrating quite clearly that he won’t take no for an answer. Shinjiro’s gotten quite good at telling him no either way, but something tells him he’s not getting out of this one.

...But that’s all right, isn’t it? This is Aki. Aki’s family. If there’s anyone he can trust with this, it’s him. (And he wants to trust him.)

“Well…” Is there any good way to put this? There isn’t, is there? If so, it’s not something Shinjiro can call up as easily as he’d like. “Have you ever… felt something in the back of your mind? Something that feels like you, but not?” He’s never had to explain the idea of a Persona to someone who doesn’t already know about them before.

But since the first time he summoned Castor, he’s never once been surprised by Aki’s presence. And he’s wondering if maybe, just maybe it’d be the same for him, resolution or not. After all, declaring someone to be your family loud enough that it changes the very shape of your souls has to have some kind of side effect.

“Do you mean that… tingly, electric feeling?” He supposes that makes as much sense as anything else.

“If that’s what it feels like for you, then sure.” Castor’s a bit more thundering hooves and overwhelming power, but this probably isn’t the time for one of those discussions. “You think you can put a name to it?”

Aki thinks about it. Shinjiro knows it, can see it in his face. But, eventually, he’s forced to shake his head.

“That’s fine. You don’t have to. But I’ve got something like that, too. His name’s Castor.” He’s not quite sure how much of this his brother will get, their period of interest in Greek mythology came after they got their Personas, but this myth’s obvious enough to be recognizable, right? “And… well, you started calling him something else after, but… but back before I died, yours was named Polydeuces.”

And Aki gets it. “Stop,” He whispers. “Please. This isn’t funny, Minato.”

“I’m not trying to be. And that’s not my name.” He needs to calm down. He doesn’t want this to turn into a fight between them. They’ve had enough of those over the years. (The idea that they might actually get around to eating lunch is nothing but a wistful memory now.) “I’m not going to lie to you, Aki. I’m not really sure why I’m here, or what’s going to happen next, but… I promise, it’s really me.” For the first time since they were kids, he lets himself reach out. “I’m home.”

Aki still seems torn on whether to believe him or not. Shinjiro supposes that’s fair enough. If their positions were reversed, he would probably have decked him by now. “The first time I got mad at you,” He breathes out, quiet but full of that bright, starlike hope he’s carried with him since childhood. “Really mad. Do you remember that?”

Of course he does. “That time with the doll, right?” And that must have been the correct answer, because now he’s being pulled into the tightest hug he can remember ever receiving. (Admittedly, the last time he was hugged was when he was eight, by another eight-year-old, so that’s really not all that impressive.) “Aki! Air!”

“S-sorry.” Aki backs off, grinning and with the faintest hint of tears in his eyes. Shinjiro pretends not to notice. “It’s just- you died.”

“Yes, I thought that was established.” This probably isn’t the time to be an asshole, but he’s only got the patience for so much of this. “Wouldn’t recommend it, by the way.”

“You’re here.”

“Where else would I be?” He’s serious about this, he doesn’t see any real point in leaving Iwatodai. It’s as good a place as any, isn’t it?

Aki just shrugs, which is probably the best answer he’s ever going to get. “Wait, but if you’re here, where’s-”

“Don’t know. Best guess I have is that he made us switch places somehow. Not sure. Dorm doesn’t seem haunted. Not that we’d notice if it were.” He knows there’s some souls out there that can mess around with the living, but he has yet to meet any. “Dunno why he did it. Even without everyone forgetting, we only really talked to each other, like, twice.” And one of those times, the world was ending.

“...So I can’t even thank him for bringing you back.” (The warning bell rings. Neither of them have so much as touched their lunches. They don’t really care.)

Shinjiro stands up, because the very thought of Arisato missing class is something that nobody at Gekkoukan would ever consider. Even when he was actually sick, he still tried to act as the model student. (It really is a good thing there wasn’t any reason to leave the dorm during the typhoon. Shinjiro’s sure he would have dragged himself out of bed if there were.)

“I mean, you could try,” He suggests. “He might even hear it. But you might be giving him a bit too much credit.”

Aki doesn’t ask, but Shinjiro can tell he wants to.

“He didn’t have to bring me back. I never really left in the first place.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a reminder that Shinji still doesn't really believe that Persona Q happened. In fairness, I wouldn't, either.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything starts to sink in.

In hindsight, using the lunch period to seek answers was maybe not Akihiko’s smartest idea.

Did it work to get him alone with the person he was questioning? Yes. Did it actually get him something he needed to know? Also yes.

Was it anywhere near enough time for everything that needed being discussed? ...Not so much. And now, not only has he missed lunch, but he’s having, if possible, even more trouble focusing than before, and not because he’s hungry.

It’s because he’s happy. Shinji’s alive, and as much as Akihiko likes to tell himself he’s gotten over the fact that he died to begin with, this is still someone he’d thought lost, returned to him for the first time in his life. (And he’s had a lot of practice with losing people.)

And he gets to talk to him again. His excitement is palpable, has turned his veins to wires, the blood rushing through them replaced by pure electricity. For the past couple of weeks, everything’s been so wrong, and things aren’t just righting themselves again, but giving him more than he would have ever dared imagine.

It’s just… not letting him pay attention in class. Because he can take notes, or he can start trying to figure out exactly what he’s going to ask his brother later, and whatever might be said about his sense of priorities, at least he knows what they are.

The electrical feeling in the back of his head has only grown stronger, and it almost feels like, if he snapped his fingers, it would create a shower of sparks. (Not that he’s about to test it out in public. He knows better than that.)

And when he manages to force his body to sit still, that just means his mind is racing even faster.

He can’t wait for the end of the school day.

* * *

  
  


The next chance Shinjiro gets to talk to Aigis, he makes his feelings on this whole matter very clear. “Give me one reason why I shouldn’t sell you for scrap.” Aigis just blinks up at him, as if being threatened like that is something that happens everyday.

“Did things not go well with Akihiko-san?” As if that’s the only part of this she cares about.

“No, they went fine, sort of.” He’s not actually sure what counts as fine in this situation, but he supposes things went well enough. “He believed me, at least.”

“Then what is the problem?” Like she doesn’t already know what she did. He might not have explicitly told her he didn’t want to tell anyone about himself, but he thought he’d managed to imply it well enough, she’s not that clueless.

Still, Shinjiro supposes he should start at the beginning with this. “Why did you tell him to talk to me?” If it’s just about the honesty thing, he’s sure he would have gotten around to it on his own time. (He wouldn’t.)

For a moment, Aigis drums her fingers on her desk, contemplating. Finally, she answers. “Akihiko-san was already suspecting that his memories of the past few years are… less than accurate. We would have had to explain things to him either way. I thought that knowing you were there would make him happy. Did it make him happy?”

That’s not a difficult question to answer. Not at all. “...Don’t think he’s ever been so thrilled to see me.”

“Then I have succeeded in what I set out to do.” She seems satisfied with herself. Shinjiro can tell, because while she is fully capable of smiling, she doesn’t really do it a lot. Only when the two of them are talking. (And he’s pretty sure she’s projecting, for a lot of it.)

He’s not sure what else he was expecting.

* * *

  
  


By the time Akihiko gets home, Shinji has already taken over the kitchen. Aigis is standing next to him, assisting with measurement… Which, in this case, means she’s sticking her finger in a pot of boiling water to check the temperature.

Neither of them offer any immediate explanations for this. “Food first, then we’ll talk in my room,” Shinji promises, which draws his attention to the fact that, for once, it looks like Shinji’s making enough for two people. “We’d never eat anything, otherwise.”

“...Should I go on ahead?” Aigis suggests. It takes time for Shinji to consider it.

“...Sure. Get rid of some of the dust, if you’d like. Just don’t touch my stuff.” And with that, Aigis is gone from the room.

This does, at least, answer a question about her that Akihiko’s had for just about as long as she’s been around. “She really doesn’t eat anything, does she?”

“Be pretty weird if she did. What with her being a robot, and all.” As much as Akihiko’s first reaction is to think it’s a joke… the thing is, it makes far too much sense. At least when it comes to things like never eating, or picking up armchairs, or sticking her finger into a pot of boiling water.

“...You’d never guess by looking at her.”

“...You wouldn’t, would you? Should have seen her when she first got here, though. I’m not sure anyone ever taught her how to talk to people.” Come to think of it, that’s probably why she’s only been talking to Shinji. As someone else who was never taught how to talk to people, Akihiko completely understands the sentiment.

He doesn’t ask why a robot would be living here in the first place. If only because this is almost definitely going to come up later.

* * *

  
  


Shinjiro’s room has never had this many living people in it at a time before. (It did, however, spend some time as easily the most haunted room in the dormitory.) The door is, of course, closed behind them, because none of them need the entirety of SEES to end up walking in on this and bringing up questions that Shinjiro is not prepared to answer for anyone else. Aigis stands by said door, because apparently she’s had enough of playing at being human for the day.

Aki takes the desk. Shinjiro doesn’t think this could possibly be a problem, but then his brother notices the calendar. “You were counting down to-”

“The full moon.” He hates lying to Aki like this, and he’s sure Aigis will call him out on it- if not now, then later, when it’s just the two of them- but this much, at least, is something he can at least try and keep for himself. “Please don’t try and read anything else into it.”

He realizes his mistake, of course, in adding that final sentence. If there’s anything that would give him away, it’s that, and while Aki’s shit at reading most people, the two of them have never been any good at keeping secrets from each other. (Not while living in the same building, at least.)

But Aki doesn’t pry- not about that, at least, not yet- instead just moving the chair back, just a little, so he can take in both Shinjiro on the bed and Aigis at the door. This probably isn’t the most comfortable arrangement they could have worked out, but it’s not like Shinjiro was thinking about this. His own comfort has been the lowest thing on his list of priorities for close to seven years now.

“All right, how do we start this…”

“The beginning would be nice,” Aki suggests.

“Okay, yes, but I’m not sure where that’d be. Aigis, any ideas?”

“I have access to records going back as far as nineteen-ninety-five. Would that be a good place to start?” Shinjiro actually considers it. It’d be something he hasn’t actually heard before, which would be nice, but…

“...Maybe not that far back. Okay, so the very first thing you need to know about all this, is that Mitsuru’s grandfather was a dick.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure if I should give a chapter to the explanation or not, but yeah, that's basically the tone it's going to take.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shinjiro and Aigis try to explain. Things go well until they don't.

In Akihiko’s mind, today is far too good to be true. He’s had dreams like this before, dreams that take him back to times when he was happy, but he’s always woken up from them at the end.

But his dreams are usually a lot less surreal than this. More childhood innocence, less discovering that his weird dormmate just so happens to be a robot, no matter how many questions that happens to answer.

Also less of Shinji getting stuck in someone else’s body, which is the main reason he believes this isn’t a dream. No way his imagination could make up something like this. Even if it is sort of disconcerting to hear Minato’s voice calling somebody a dick. (It does, however, clear up any outstanding doubts that it actually is Shinji in that body, because it’s just a Shinji thing to do, insulting someone long dead when he’s supposed to be telling a story.)

“That doesn’t explain anything,” He finds himself saying, and it really doesn’t. Kirijo Kouetsu has been dead for a decade now, what does he have to do with anything else?

“Okay, maybe not, but it makes more sense than saying that he started off trying to discover time travel and then ended up turning his company into a death cult.” Akihiko’s not sure, but he doesn’t think those two things really lead into each other at all.

“They were researching creatures known as Shadows,” Aigis adds, which makes as much sense as anything else. “I do not know where they procured them, as I was only stationed in the laboratory after they realized they had no other method of eliminating them should they breach containment.”

“And then they went and broke out anyway. Course, that’s also one of the reasons the world didn’t end ten years ago, so I guess it worked out okay.” Akihiko gets the distinct feeling that several things are being skipped here. And that things aren’t actually going to make that much more sense after today. (He might have answers to some of his questions, but that won’t change the fact that it’s easily giving him more questions than answers.)

“I would like to believe that I played a part in it as well.” For once, it’s entirely possible to believe that Aigis is a robot- no human would be able to do so well at looking unimpressed.

This sets the tone for the next several minutes.

* * *

  
  


“Honestly, the Dark Hour wasn’t all that different, if you don’t count all the coffins, blood, and Shadows.”

Aigis glances at Shinjiro. “I was led to believe that humans tend to find those things disturbing.”

“I mean, they are, but after stepping in a random blood puddle for the fifth time because you forgot what time it was, or getting stuck on a midnight train, it really stops being that big a deal.” And as for the Shadows… Shinjiro’s never really been afraid of the Shadows. (It’s always been himself he was more concerned with. Or the thought of something happening to Aki, or later Mitsuru, once he no longer had any choice but to admit that he was friends with Mitsuru. Or the kid, but… it’s not like things have ever been simple with the kid.)

“Did that… happen often?”

“Not for most people. Just the ones who don’t really think about it, or who got used to it too fast and stopped caring.” He’s not going to say which of them he was, he’s sure Aki could make a pretty good guess already. (And maybe, just maybe, he doesn’t fully want to admit it.) “But everyone gets used to it eventually, if they live long enough.”

Left unsaid, of course, is the fact that most people who ended up in the Dark Hour didn’t last long enough to get used to it. They all know it, have an implicit understanding of those facts, they just don’t bring it up. They don’t need to.

Besides, mentioning serious things would just ruin the atmosphere.

* * *

  
  


“Only three of the children involved with the Strega project survived the experiments, albeit with complications: Sakaki Takaya, Shirato Jin, and Yoshino Chidori.” One of the names on Aigis’ list is rather familiar. (So are the other two, but not in any way he can register.)

“Wait, Yoshino? As in-”

“Iori’s girlfriend? Yeah. She forgot before everyone else did, but even back before that, she was the only one of those three who was remotely near being well-adjusted. The key word being remotely.” Shinji shrugs. “She was all right. The other two, not so much.”

Akihiko blinks. “I’m… afraid to ask.” Because while this still doesn’t sound quite real, he also knows that Junpei’s girlfriend is not exactly the world’s most trusting person as it is. Imagining people who could be worse off than that is… maybe not something that he wants to do.

“Well, Jin was basically your everyday sycophant, if the suck-ups you know happen to normally be both hackers and arsonists. Not sure where he learned to make grenades from, or where he kept getting the stuff for it, but I think he could have blown up Iwatodai if he could form enough of his own opinions to want to. As for Takaya…” Shinji’s arm drifts until he has a hand over his heart. “...Let’s not talk about Takaya.”

Akihiko has the sneaking suspicion that they might eventually need to talk about Takaya.

“That may be difficult,” Aigis remarks. “While he was a thoroughly unpleasant individual, that does not change the impact he had on how events developed.” A negative one, clearly. (Some things don’t need to be said aloud.)

“Yes, but I don’t want to talk about him, and you have no sense of tact. There is no way that this could end well.” The words make sense. Akihiko can see where they’re coming from, and has a very good idea of what topic, exactly, Shinji is uncomfortable with. (One of them, at least. There’s a lot of things Shinjiro doesn’t want to talk to his brother about that involve Takaya.)

But that’s also exactly why they need to talk about it.

It should come as no surprise to anyone who knows them that him pointing that out is something that eventually devolves into a fight.

* * *

  
  


The fact is, there’s a lot of things that Shinjiro is very determined he Not Talk to Aki about. All of them things that Aki probably does need to hear, or that it would at least help him to know about, and that Aigis would never be able to tactfully explain, but that’s beside the point.

In these matters, the subject of Sakaki Takaya is a minefield, followed closely by the marginally-less-dangerous topic of Amada Ken. And Shinjiro knows his brother well enough to realize that getting into that is bound to lead to arguments. (The fact that the reason Aki gets so upset is because he cares about him is something that he tries not to think about too much.)

So, in hindsight, bringing up the individual members of Strega was clearly a mistake. One that has led to him scrambling to hide as much information as he can, before it can all balloon out and reveal just how many mistakes he’s made.

Aki notices. It gets worse. Aigis appears to have decided not to touch their conversation. (A very wise decision, all things considered.) And, eventually, Aki gets so tired of Shinjiro’s deflections that he decides to try and punch him.

His punch, also, is deflected. Or, rather, reflected.

Shinjiro blinks. It’s been a while since Castor decided to intervene on his behalf like that. Never when he actually needed him to. Of course it happens again at the worst possible moment. What else was he expecting? He’s always been his own worst enemy. (This is not usually so literal. It just works out that way sometimes.)

At the very least, it does stop them from continuing to fight.

It also ends the conversation.

* * *

  
  


“I cannot help but think you could have handled that better,” Aigis tells him through the door to Arisato’s room. Shinjiro rolls his eyes, because of course he knows that.

“I didn’t see you coming up with any ideas. And it’s not like I meant for it to happen.” He never means it, really, it’s just that most of the time countering whatever attack comes his way can be assumed to be a beneficial occurrence. (And even now, it does save him the trouble of explaining how he got himself hurt to Iori, so at least one good thing came out of it.)

“You could have told him that. The internet tells me that humans find proper communication to be important.” Yes, but since when have he and Aki ever sat down to have a proper talk about serious things? Never, that’s when.

“...Why are you trying to learn to be human from the internet?”

“I do not exactly have any other reliable sources. There is no space in my room for books.” Not for the first time, Shinjiro wonders what Aigis’ room could possibly look like. What exactly do you put in the living space for someone who technically isn’t alive? (What do you put in the space for someone who shouldn’t be?) “My necessities take up far too much of it.”

And, of course, there’s nobody she can ask for help moving things, because nobody but the two of them remembers anything about the Dark Hour, let alone the needs of a robot who was commissioned and then forgotten about entirely.

Still, he doesn’t want to be having this conversation right now. (Or ever, but he knows he probably can’t get away with not dealing with this forever.) Especially not while Aigis is standing out in the hallway where everyone can hear her, with ‘everyone’ almost certainly including the person who, because of Shinjiro, ended up punching himself in the face. There’s almost certainly better ways to go about this, it’s just that all three of them are too socially maladjusted to find them.

Story of his life, really.

“Still think I should sell you for scrap,” He mutters, well aware that, given her habit of keeping tabs on the vital signs of everyone in the dorm, she can almost certainly hear him. “How did Arisato ever put up with you?”

“I do not know.” Her voice is quiet, so much so that Shinjiro doesn’t think he was expected to hear it. “He was always kind to me, despite my lack of understanding. He told me that it was always harder for him to hurt others, even if it would later help them. I still do not understand.”

In that moment, Shinjiro comes to two decisions. The first is that never, under any circumstances, will he be the one to break the news to her about Arisato’s harem. As for the second…

The headphones and music player are still where he left them. He’s not sure what Aigis will be able to do with headphones, but it’s less effort than trying to detach them. After a moment’s hesitation, he picks up the screw as well.

“Here,” He says, opening the door and dropping all of the items into his friend’s hands. “Think he would have wanted you to have these.” And then he closes the door again, and lies down on Arisato’s bed, because that’s enough personal contact for… well, the rest of the week, really. (It’d be the rest of forever, if he thought he could get away with it, but he already knows he can’t, so he may as well not even try.)

At least that makes one thing about today that he hasn’t somehow managed to screw up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...Honestly, they were always going to fight eventually, but I'm still surprised that they couldn't even make it to the point where they started talking about SEES. (This is, admittedly, mostly because I didn't realize Aigis would be going into Strega.)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentine's Day makes things more complicated than they need to be.

Akihiko’s not sure whether or not he should be relieved that nobody asks why he’s been hurt. (Mitsuru gives him a concerned look, but it also feels like she’s judging him just a bit, so it doesn’t even really feel like a question.) On one hand, it means he doesn’t have to explain any of the events of the day, which would likely be unbelievable to anyone else.

On the other hand, that just leaves him alone with his thoughts. Which is, admittedly, safer for him than it is for his brother, but that isn’t saying as much as it really should.

Because Akihiko, at this point, is pretty sure he’s the world’s biggest idiot. He should have realized that pushing Shinji to talk would be a bad idea, the one coping mechanism that the two of them share is to not talk about their problems ever. (Which is, of course, not the healthiest coping mechanism to have, but that’s where the others are supposed to come in. ‘Supposed to’ being the operative term here.)

And, of course, he hasn’t gotten as much better at controlling himself as he’d hoped, after their last fight. Another thing he can’t properly remember. Probably another thing Shinji doesn’t want to talk about.

But Akihiko wants to talk about it, if only because this feels like something he should know. He still does, even lying on his bed in the middle of the night and wondering if his nightmares are going to start featuring blood and coffins now. (Of course they aren’t. They’ve been featuring blood and coffins for a very long time. It’s just that he’s never been able to remember them.)

Today, he decides, was overall a bad day. The only really good part was getting to talk to Shinji again, and of course he managed to mess that up. Why wouldn’t he? There’s a reason he’s the last person in the dorm that people go to for relationship advice. (Not that anyone in the dorm goes to anyone else for relationship advice. If they did, suffice to say Minato would have been forced to make some very different choices and Shinjiro’s first week back would have been much less painful.)

He doesn’t really think he got any actual answers from the deal, either. He couldn’t even make it past the background material. At least this isn’t something he’ll be expected to write an essay about.

Still, going from ‘confused’ to ‘still confused and also fighting with Shinji’ is not anywhere near being an improvement. Even if Shinji always comes around, this is as far from Akihiko’s vague imaginings of a reunion with him as it’s possible to be when said imaginings were never much more than idle thoughts in the back of his mind.

At least he’ll have plenty of time to think on how to fix it. His basic plan for Valentine’s Day is currently to lock himself in his room and never come out. (It’s still better than last year, when he hid out inside an abandoned classroom and didn’t realize it was safe for three hours because Mitsuru forgot to text him. That was not a fun afternoon.)

And, as his gaze drifts over to his desk for maybe the third or fourth time that night, he realizes that he already has an idea of where to start.

* * *

  
  


Shinjiro figures that, with everything that’s been happening, there is a roughly fifty-fifty chance of him surviving Valentine’s Day. He’s pretty sure the girls haven’t caught on about each other, and he’s almost positive none of them have access to their powers, but on the other hand… if they do find out, he’s not sure they’d need powers. Even Yamagishi or the Student Council girl could probably make a good go at poisoning him. With Yamagishi, it might not even be intentional. (No, he’s not still upset about her almost burning down the kitchen last week, whatever makes you think that?)

Sadly, as he is still not prepared to talk to Aki about various things involving his life and the myriad reasons that it ended, he probably can’t just bunker down with him. (The wall’s come back up. He wishes it hadn’t.) And he’s not going to hide in his or Arisato’s rooms- people could find him there! No, what he needs is a place where nobody will discover him.

...The good news is, Shinjiro knows a lot of places around town where nobody would ever think to look for Arisato Minato, model student. The bad news is, those are still places that wouldn’t necessarily think kindly of someone who looks like Arisato Minato, model student and all around unintimidating figure. The shady parts of town are a lot less welcoming to someone who doesn’t have a reputation of headbutting people into submission, and that’s not a reputation he can rebuild in a day.

...He almost wished the Dark Hour were still there. At least then he could have just spent a couple hours hiding out in Tartarus. (It was, generally, frowned upon for SEES members to spend an entire weekend looting Thebel and Arqa. That doesn’t mean it didn’t happen, from time to time.)

Maybe he’ll just go out into town and take up disappearing into dark alleys if he needs to get away. It wouldn’t be the first time.

* * *

  
  


Valentine’s Day feels like one of the longest days of Akihiko’s life. It’s been like this ever since girls started following him around for reasons he still doesn’t have any idea of, because they never leave him alone to begin with, of course they’d take any chance they can get to throw chocolate at him.

Thankfully, he already has a plan for dealing with it past this year- go to university in another city and hopefully never have to deal with any of them again. If he ends up coming back to Iwatodai- and he’s still not fully sure on that part- they will have ideally forgotten he ever existed. (Just because Minato never uncovered Akihiko’s other aspect doesn’t mean it isn’t there.)

As for this year itself… his door is locked, and Junpei and Mitsuru have agreed to do whatever they can to cover him. With any luck, Junpei will remind Mitsuru not to answer the fangirls when asked, and Mitsuru will have adjusted sufficiently by the time Junpei’s girlfriend shows up. And they all know better than to allow some random person to come into the building. (The acquisitions of Aigis, Ken, and Koromaru aside. He’s sure there was some sort of reason for them to be there.)

Still, there’s not that much he can do in here. His self-help books are as unhelpful as ever, just about every internet page has decorated for the season in more pink than he knows how to handle, and there’s only so long he can take out his frustrations on the poor punching bag before it can’t take it anymore.

So it’s just him, his thoughts, and a world that stopped making sense to him a very long time ago. A world he’s not sure he can even begin making sense of.

If he should try making sense of it. Would doing so make Shinji more or less upset with him? He’s not sure, this situation has never come up before. (He’d never thought sharing everything with somebody would come with a downside before.)

...He’s putting too much thought into this. It’s making his mind all staticy.

He shakes his head, trying to clear it up. The electric buzzing doesn’t go away. If anything, it intensifies. Like it’s been building up inside him all throughout the past weeks, and has never been given anything to do but sit there, waiting for the chance to strike.

Why is it that all his thoughts these days come right on back to electricity? It’s like he’s some kind of… battery, or live wire. Even the feelings nudging him towards Shinji’s presence were more like slight shocks than anything else.

He supposes that’s something he should ask someone when he gets the chance, as well as the question of why there is a gun in his desk. Honestly, it’s the sort of thing that really should have come up sooner, it’s not like he needed a whole history lesson. (Or maybe he did, but he’s not sure how he should have gone about it.)

Maybe he’ll be formulating that list of questions after all. Write them down, see just how much he’s missing. Maybe he won’t even insist on all of them being answered, and just settle for the things that directly impact his life.

Except that still comes back to Shinji. Who, while Akihiko would like to call him an exception to his general inability to people, apparently isn’t one at the moment. Like he needs anything else that he just can’t figure out.

“Why does it feel like I could just…?” He snaps his fingers. “And stuff would happen?”

His fingers spark.

This is, sadly, the most coherent explanation for anything relevant to him he's gotten so far.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...Probably a good thing he didn't try doing that in the classroom.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They somehow manage to survive Valentine's Day.

Shinjiro isn’t entirely sure how he ended up at the mall. In terms of hiding from Arisato’s former harem, this is probably the worst place he could have possibly visited, given how this is the most popular place in town for teenagers to hang out… well, the most popular place of good repute, anyway. The more popular places would arguably have given better cover, if not for the fact that Arisato’s looks lend more towards being an easy target, even if Shinjiro is decidedly not one.

Fortunately, he doesn’t see any faces he recognizes. Unfortunately, he’s only managed to memorize the faces of half of Arisato’s friends, and Suemitsu he can only recognize because they used to be classmates. So that’s not as reassuring as it should be.

Still, he’s here now. There’s probably nothing wrong with taking a look around, if only because he hasn’t been here in a while. He is, admittedly, curious about that one shop Arisato got all the weird weapons from, even if he can’t just go in and ask about it. Odds are that whoever runs it has forgotten all about them.

Which means that, in the eyes of the world, it’s just an everyday antiques shop. (And he’s anything but an ordinary teenager. Not even the one they expect to see.)

Shinjiro stands by the window for a bit, just looking before turning to leave, when something catches his eye, almost.

Well, maybe saying it catches his eye isn’t quite the right term. If only because ‘it’ isn’t there. Just a stretch of empty space. (The door to the Velvet Room glimmers, hidden, just out of sight. It isn’t for him.)

Except it doesn’t feel empty.

He doesn’t know why, there’s clearly nothing there, but Shinjiro gets an odd feeling of… warmth from that area. Something familiar, as if it’s a place he’s been to many times. (Even if he has problems believing stories about time travel and cinemas and Group Date Cafes, some part of him has never forgotten.)

He decides, in the end, that it doesn’t matter. Maybe there’s something there, and he just can’t see it. So what? He’s had enough experience with the supernatural to last a lifetime.

...He thinks about that last sentence, and then amends it. Several lifetimes.

* * *

  
  


He’s not sure how he managed it, but somehow Shinjiro has managed to survive the events of the day. He’s even fairly positive that the girls won’t decide to kill him in his sleep.

Maybe they’ve just decided to forget all about him. It sort of explains why none of them have tried calling Arisato’s phone yet.

It just figures. Aki is surrounded by girls who won’t leave him alone, while Shinjiro is driven to distraction by a lack of activity, if only because Arisato was the recipient of so much female attention it’s sort of weird for there not to be any. (And, okay, so maybe he’s sort of used to thinking about himself as a target of vengeance. He’s still not sure what that says about him.)

Still, better than the first week. At least now they’ve stopped openly glaring at him.

Aki’s room, meanwhile, looks like the door hasn’t opened all day. It probably hasn’t. Actually, he’s not sure his brother even bothered to get any kind of food for himself, it seems like the kind of thing he would forget about.

...Maybe he should check up on him. Even if they aren’t on the best terms right now, he wouldn’t want him to starve. Assuming, of course, that Aki feels like opening the door.

Shinjiro knocks. Isn’t sure if he should expect an answer or not.

But, a few moments later, he does hear Aki’s voice from beyond the door. “Is it safe to come out yet?”

“I’d hope so, it’s past curfew.” As much as anyone has ever paid attention to that. He knows they’re both thinking the same thing, but maybe they can be able to forget, just for a bit. “Have you eaten anything at all today?”

“Um…” Of course he hasn’t. Why should he have expected anything else?

“...Go downstairs, get yourself something to eat. Even if the fangirls were still out there, it’s not like they’ll come into the building.” When he came in, there were still remnants of frost on the windows from Mitsuru’s frustration. At this point, he’s pretty sure that either the others will remember, realize they have powers, or accidentally burn down Iwatodai, and he’s not sure which one’s more likely. (He doesn’t wonder why this is happening despite the lack of the Dark Hour. His own abilities have followed him around for far too long to question it.)

It takes awhile for the door to open, just long enough to wonder if Aki’s decided to ignore his advice and go right to bed. But open it does, and Shinjiro realizes that it’s a lot easier to talk to people through a door than through the invisible wall separating him from those both living and not. (He doesn’t feel he quite belongs on either side, right now.)

And Aki’s just terrible at talking altogether, so he’s willing to just vanish into Arisato’s room and have this conversation some other time- or never, never would work too- because he doesn’t have any idea how this could possibly go well.

But he doesn’t get the chance to just dodge this. “Thought you might want this back,” Aki mutters, passing him something round and flat and made of metal. And Shinjiro blinks.

It’s his pocket watch, arguably in even better condition than when he lost it. “Where’d you find it?” He’d looked everywhere, really. (While he does have the sense of humor necessary to go to your own funeral, he hadn’t felt like leaving his room that day.)

“I… didn’t, really.” Aki doesn’t seem willing to explain any more at the moment, and the conversation appears to have stalled out.

But it’s still something of his, one that he’d just about given up on. “...Thanks.” And then he retreats to Arisato’s room, because that really is about as much human interaction as he can handle right now.

He guesses this means things are sort of all right between them now. It makes as much sense as anything else, at least.

* * *

  
  


Shinjiro wakes up with the sound of gunshots ringing in his ears. By no means is this a new occurrence, but that doesn’t make it any easier to deal with. He’s still gasping for breath, unable to see anything past a dark blue fringe as the world seems to spin even more out of his control. (And he’s never had a full grasp on it to begin with.)

He reaches a hand up to make sure he’s still alive. All right, heart still beating. What next? A full range of vision would be nice. And the second that thought reaches his mind, he’s scrambling around for a paperclip.

Unlike the previous night, he manages to secure the little metal clasp without tumbling out of Arisato’s bed. (He’d like to claim it’s not his fault. It’s been a long time since his individual nightmares last decided to join forces, he wasn’t prepared for this.) He fixes it into place, finds breathing a little easier when he knows nothing’s going to sneak up on him from the right side.

There. Much better. Except not really, because everything still feels wrong and he has a long list of reasons why.

He doesn’t belong here. He shouldn’t be breathing, or checking on his heartbeat, or attempting to deal with panic attacks by scrambling for a paperclip. He should be dead. (Isn’t sure if what he is now can be really classified as being alive.)

He should be dead, and yet, here he is. Sitting in a room surrounded by objects filled with love by someone who apparently decided that, while his life was worth living, it still wasn’t worth enough not to just pawn off on somebody else. It’s almost midnight, which adds the usual paranoia that maybe, just maybe, this is the night when the Dark Hour comes back.

(Apparently, the idea of the world being on a countdown isn’t that much of a big deal. From what Shinjiro’s heard, that kind of thing usually happens once every five years or so. If anything, the past ten years were a break from that sort of thing. He’s still not sure what he thinks about that.)

Shinjiro is not a fan of the idea of waiting until midnight just to prove that the world will not turn green. The fact that he spent roughly six years of his life, and several months after it, where the world actually did turn green really doesn’t help with that. He reaches out, trying to find something to hold onto, anything that will make things even a bit better.

Fingers close around a pocket watch. Something familiar.

Something that’s his.

Shinjiro holds the object close, forces himself to breathe along with every count of the second, and it’s… still not great, but it gets him to where he can fall asleep again.

He’s not sure what ‘okay’ feels like, it’s been a long time since he could say he was, but he thinks this might be something just a bit closer to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...This is going to end up being shorter than I expected, huh? There's really not that much left to cover. Probably only two or three chapters left unless I suddenly get some new ideas. (Which is... not strictly out of the question, but... probably not.)


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They try again. It goes just a bit better this time.

The next morning, Shinji doesn’t really seem to be tired at breakfast. Not that Akihiko takes much time to look- the food might be simple, but it’s still good, and he needs whatever energy he can get.

So he doesn’t pay that much attention, other than noticing that the girls still don’t seem as comfortable as they used to.

And Junpei’s right, it is sort of weird. As little as he knew about Minato, it’s well known around Gekkoukan that he was popular with girls, even if nobody was ever able to confirm he was dating anyone. Even in the dorm, they’d all seemed to gather around him.

He thinks he might have asked Mitsuru about it once, but if he did, he can’t remember the answer. (He doesn’t really mind. Out of the things he’s forgotten, this might just be the least important.) It doesn’t really matter to him.

He hasn’t taken the time to ask Mitsuru about the latest development yet. She’s known him for long enough to realize that, if it’s important that he knows something, she has to tell him herself. And she hasn’t mentioned a thing. So he assumes it isn’t important.

“Are you feeling better today?” She asks, as the second years and Ken hurry to vacate the building. When there’s actual food being served, it’s usually the two of them on dishes duty. It’s just something they got used to, over the years. (Honestly, Akihiko’s not entirely sure Junpei actually knows how to do dishes, and he’s not going to ask. Whatever the answer is, he doesn’t think it could ever end well.)

“Feeling… better?”

“You’ve seemed… distracted, the past few days.” He’s surprised she noticed. Mitsuru has always been more observant than he believed possible, at least in certain areas, but this is very much not one of those areas. There are many things Kirijo Mitsuru is good at, but ‘people’ is not one of them. “Is everything all right?”

Akihiko thinks about the robot that lives on the third floor, and the gaps in his memory surrounding her. He thinks about Shinji, and how much has vanished from his mind there, and how they still haven’t talked about it. He thinks about how, last night, he was able to make sparks dance across his skin simply by thinking about it, and how he doesn’t have any idea what to do with it, or even where it comes from. (Well, he has some idea. But whatever the name of that feeling is, it slips away from him every time he feels himself getting close.)

“...I’ll be fine.” If Mitsuru catches on to his decision not to talk about the present, she doesn’t say a word about it. But he doesn’t think she does.

It’s strange, how even the smartest person he knows can still be so blind.

* * *

  
  


That day, Aki eats lunch with Shinjiro and Aigis. (Okay, so technically it’s the humans eating lunch, and Aigis watching and participating in conversation, but it’s the same basic thing.) This time, lunch is actually being eaten.

Despite having never discussed anything about their previous argument, they’re still willing to attempt to give this another try. Nobody ever accused them of giving up too easily.

If anything, people tend to say they’re too stubborn. Neither of them will argue with that. “We need to set some rules,” Shinjiro decides, and really, he should have done this earlier. “First of all, we don’t talk about Sakaki Takaya. Second, we will not mention Amada Ken.” Honestly, he’s probably making more trouble for himself by bringing Ken up, but it has to be said. The less he has to talk about himself, the more that he actually can.

But Aki doesn’t question any of that yet, just nodding along. Which is one of the weirder things that has happened today. (The only reason it’s not the weirdest is because Shinjiro has no idea how to quantify that stuff that technically isn’t normal, but insists on always happening to him anyway. One would think six years of existing in the Dark Hour would have changed that. One would be wrong.)

Aigis gives him an odd look. He’s not sure why. Aigis is a combat gynoid masquerading as a high school student, she has no business giving odd looks to anyone.

“You realize, of course, that these terms leave out a rather large chunk of the story.”

“That’s kinda the point. Aki doesn’t need to hear about that stuff.” He doesn’t need to hear about the pills he was taking, or what drove him to do so. (He couldn’t bring himself to talk about it with an Aki who did remember. He definitely doesn’t want to burden one who doesn’t with the knowledge of something he can’t do anything about. It’s over now. That’s what matters, right?) “Take it or leave it.”

The fact that Aigis is putting up more of a fight about it than Aki is should probably be something Shinjiro finds concerning. Still, he can’t help but be relieved that he doesn’t have to talk about these things. (Maybe it’ll let the wall stay down, just a little longer. Maybe he can be himself, for just a bit more. He’d had higher hopes back when he was actively counting the days he had left to live.)

Aki just shrugs. “That’s… not what I was wondering about, anyway.”

Given how his not being told about things relating to Takaya caused things to go south last time, Shinjiro is wondering what, exactly, has managed to grab his attention now.

“What is it, then?”

“Well…” As if in reply, Aki snaps his fingers. They spark. Even when he was getting paid to deal with this stuff, Shinjiro hadn’t been paid enough for this. “It’s been like this for the past day or so. Is this normal?”

“Only for you.” And maybe Ken, sometimes, but Ken had always preferred his scorching light to bolts of lightning. (The fact that both of them are considered favored methods of divine retribution is not lost on Shinjiro.) “And even then, it really shouldn’t be.”

Aki making sparks, Mitsuru leaving frost everywhere… At this point, he’s genuinely concerned that Iori will end up burning down Iwatodai without even realizing he’s done so. Which would be bad. He likes this town.

“Perhaps it is his Persona trying to attract his attention?” Aigis theorizes, moving ever-so-slightly away from the less than perfectly controlled source of electricity. “There are not a lot of other explanations that make sense. Akihiko-san has always had excellent control.” (Shinjiro is aware of this. It’s the main reason he’s worried Iori will burn the city down. If Aki’s slipping up with this, who knows what he could do?)

“...Persona?” Maybe it would have been easier just to type up a pamphlet with everything Aki actually needs to know, but Shinjiro’s well aware that, now that Aki knows he’s here, that’s not happening.

“It’s what we call that feeling in the back of our minds.” He’s not going to try and explain it further. If only because he honestly can’t. There really is no good way to explain a Persona to someone who can’t experience it firsthand. “I’ve got Castor, she has Pallas Athena, and you have… whatever you’re calling him now.”

He knows, of course, that the Persona Aki was using at the end of the world was called Caesar. But he also has no idea how everyone forgetting fits into this. He’ll just have to wait and see if his brother ever clarifies things. (And it doesn’t really matter, anyway. He’s still Aki, no matter what name he calls when he throws lightning around.)

Aki doesn’t offer a name. That’s fine. Shinjiro wasn’t really asking for one, anyway.

* * *

  
  


The fact is, Akihiko failing to tell Shinji the current name of his Persona is not for lack of trying. It’s what he’s been thinking about all morning, trying to put a name to a feeling that he doesn’t fully understand, but that will still answer to his call.

He just can’t think of it, even though he knows it’s there. It’s sort of like the Dark Hour. He’s tried thinking back, and gotten flashes of green and red in return, but only for a split second, and he can never quite recall anything he’s seen. Just the colors. (It’s enough to make him wonder if his mind’s just making things up.)

“So… what does it mean, if I can do this?” He doesn’t think it could be a bad thing, he thinks he’s got this as under control as it’s going to be for the moment, but it’d probably still be a good idea to ask someone who has a chance of knowing what they’re doing.

(If Shinjiro were to hear Akihiko’s thoughts right now, he’d laugh. Since when has he ever known what he was doing?)

Shinji shrugs. “Maybe that you should invest in some rubber gloves?” Akihiko reminds himself that he shouldn’t just zap people, even if they’re being annoying. He’s gotten good at reminding himself of that sort of thing, even if it’s rare for electricity to actually be involved. “I mean, I… hope it’s nothing more than that.” (And maybe this is a sign for Akihiko to look more closely, but if it is, he doesn’t see it.)

“I do not believe you have anything to worry about.” Akihiko isn’t sure which one of them Aigis is talking to right now. “I have deemed Akihiko-san to be the second least likely human in the dormitory to lose control.”

“Who’s the first?”

“Fuuka-san.”

And nobody can really bring themself to argue with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It probably says something that the one Aigis is least worried about is the one with no combat capabilities.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Evokers are discussed, and dealt with, and Akihiko realizes more than he'd thought possible.

The next meeting between the three of them is held in Aki’s room, partly because Shinjiro doesn’t want people to think anyone can just go into his room and mess with his stuff, and he and Aki both have no business being on the third floor, but mostly because Aki and Aigis find sitting around in a mostly emptied room only recently cleared of dust to be depressing. (Honestly, Shinjiro doesn’t disagree with them.)

Also because Arisato’s room doesn’t seem to have enough space in it for one person, let alone three who don’t even know what everything is and would probably break something in an effort to find places for themselves.

Basically, it’s the only room available to them that provides both a semblance of privacy and actual breathing room. Aki’s at his desk when the other two arrive, with one of the drawers open.

Shinjiro blinks when he pulls an Evoker out. “Huh. We keep them in the same place.” Well, one in a desk and one in a box, but he’d rather not think about that box. (Or the desk, really, but at least the desk is relevant right now.)

“So you know what this is?” He holds it more carefully than he ever has before. Shinjiro’s not sure if that’s for his benefit, or because he doesn’t know what it does, or something else.

“That is an Evoker,” Aigis explains. “It is used so that you can summon your Persona onto the physical plane.”

Just by looking at him, Shinjiro can tell that this doesn’t make Aki less confused at all. He doesn’t blame him. Surely, there must be Persona Users out there who don’t operate on pure survival instinct. (Or reflex, once they’d been using Evokers long enough for it to become a reflex.)

“Normally, you’re not supposed to make sparks just by wanting to really hard. You have to bring your Persona out first. And you do that by…” He gestures at the gun. “...Let’s just say I’m not going to be doing that again anytime soon.” Or ever, if he can get away with it. (He’s not sure he can get away with it.)

Aki nods, and gingerly replaces his Evoker in the drawer. And that is the last they have to say on that subject.

* * *

  
  


Shinjiro’s always kept his Evoker in his desk because he’s never been able to think of a better place to put it during the day. (Not that he’s never carried it around during daylight hours, but it’s usually not the done thing.) It’s as nice a place as any, for something he could probably be arrested for pulling out at the wrong moment.

Even if the people who are actually meant to be here do get around to cleaning out his room, he doesn’t know if they’ll bother looking in the drawer. Why bother with a desk that he never did anything with? It’s not like he was studying or anything. (He’s sort of regretting that now. If only because people will notice if he lets Arisato’s grades slip too much.)

But they might look. And as much as he says he doesn’t care what anyone else thinks of him, it would probably be a good idea to have his Evoker a bit closer by. Just in case he needs it.

It looks just the same way he left it. Of course it does. There was nobody to disturb it. So Shinjiro opens the door, reaches in to reclaim one of his few available possessions, and… hesitates.

It’s not that he believes it poses any danger to him, except for possibly in the legal sense, and the fact that using it would probably end this streak of Castor being relatively quiet and cooperative. (Aside, of course, from the occasional feelings that they really shouldn’t be alive right now, but those have been there since their first major battle. It’s just that now it feels more true than he could ever have imagined.)

It’s just that, to invoke the desperation to not die that the Evokers supposedly work on… Shinjiro’s not sure he’d get that by pointing it at his head, anymore.

“Maybe it’d work better that way?” He muses, staring down at the object that he doesn’t actually know what he planned to do with it. “Power of the heart, and all.” It doesn’t sound funny when he says it out loud.

He doesn’t even think it was meant to be funny in his head.

But he can’t just leave an Evoker lying around, it’s bad enough that almost everyone else’s are unaccounted for. (Sure, he doesn’t think there’s anyone left who knows enough to steal one, but why take the chance?)

So he picks it up again, and tries his hardest not to look at it, let alone think about using it. Enough is enough.

He figures that, if something happens so that he needs to carry it again, he’ll just get a bag. That would be a lot more convenient.

* * *

  
  


The fact is, however, that Shinjiro has a second Evoker technically available to him. He remembers the box under Arisato’s bed, and how he was not prepared to handle all of the emotions within, even if it did let him finally get his fruit knife back.

If he were given the choice, he thinks he’d leave the box undisturbed until the end of time, but that is both impractical and impossible to properly ensure within a human lifetime unless the world eventually decides that it wants to end after all. And he really hopes it doesn’t do that, at least not while his friends still live there. (After… he hasn’t been given much reason to care about after.)

But he has to make sure the Evoker is there. That he hasn’t lost track of anything that can be used as a weapon, at least not that he could arguably be considered responsible for. He wouldn’t be surprised if Iori’s Shadow fighting equipment has been swallowed up by the trash void that is his room. (Then again, nobody would ever think to look in Iori’s room for something to fight with, so he’s sure it should be fine.)

This time, curiosity drives him to open the notebook, and read the story inside. He doesn’t recognize the name on the cover, but still he looks to see what this person had to say.

It’s a story about a pink alligator. A story that Shinjiro understands, in ways he almost wishes he didn’t. Especially one line, close to the end.

Just like the pink alligator, nobody’s really noticed that Arisato’s been gone. It’s just him, and the two people he’s found himself forced to confide in. The rest of them think he’s still there, living among them.

And he isn’t. There’s just Shinjiro, who still has no idea what he’s doing there but is convinced that this is all some massive mistake. People like him don’t deserve second chances.

And yet, here he is. And there’s barely anyone out there who could even think to shed a tear for Arisato. (He’s not sure he could even bring himself to. Not when he has no idea what kind of person he really was.)

He replaces the notebook in the box, places Arisato’s Evoker on top of it, and returns the box to its place under the bed. He wonders what he’d have to do to have it actually be left there until the end of time.

Whatever it is, it’s probably not something he could ever afford.

* * *

  
  


Akihiko comes home one day to see Shinji on the couch with a piece of paper. “What’s this?”

Shinji just shrugs, like he’s not entirely sure himself. “It’s a letter. Track coach gave it to me.”

“Who’s it from?” Admittedly, he doesn’t know if his brother actually knows the answer, he would have spent even less time with Minato, but it still feels like something he should ask. (He can’t ask about the things he finds most important. But he wants to still be able to talk to him about something.)

“Some sort of… old rival, I guess. Hayase Mamoru.” Despite having the letter open, Shinji doesn’t seem to be giving it that much thought. Really quietly, he continues, “Haven’t really met him, but… He seems all right. Sort of reminds me of you, actually.”

Really? Without having even met the guy? “In what way?”

“I dunno. It’s just… a feeling I get. Can’t really describe it any better than that.” (Maybe Minato would have been able to explain it. But probably not. After all, it involves a part of Akihiko that he never had the chance to see.)

He supposes that’s fair. It’s not like it’s easy to give a full description of someone you’ve never met, especially someone you only know from a single letter addressed to somebody else.

As that thought crosses his mind, Akihiko realizes just how isolated Shinji must be. And as much as his brother thrives on being alone… there’s still such a thing as too much, especially when it’s so impossible for people to call him by the right name.

“Come on. Let’s go upstairs.” They don’t really have a particular code for wanting to talk in private. For the two of them, it’s something that just happens, and now Aigis is involved sometimes. At one point, Mitsuru had been part of their little gatherings for reasons Akihiko doesn’t remember, but now she’s not, because she doesn’t understand enough to be.

But Shinji nods, and stands up, and folds the letter back along the creases, as though there’s nothing wrong. (He’s always been a good actor. Maybe a bit too good.)

Upstairs, Ken should be doing his homework in his room. Akihiko assumes he actually is doing so, given how there’s no sign of him and he should certainly be home by now. Even if he’s not allowed to ask about the kid, enough remains that he knows to worry about him.

But, more importantly, there’s no sign of anyone as they venture down the hall, and they both know the others have better things to do than listen at their doors, even if Junpei didn’t have a date today. To talk quietly, they don’t need any more privacy than this.

“Did you want something?” The difference between Shinji pretending to be Minato, even if only on the surface, and letting himself be himself is large enough that it’s almost a surprise he’s made it this long. But not really. He doesn’t have to act that well when there’s nobody paying attention.

“I was just… wondering why you didn’t tell me you were here.” And he tries not to make it sound like an accusation. He really does. It’s just something that he wants to know.

It takes a minute or so for Akihiko to get his answer. He waits. “I… wasn’t sure you’d believe me.” That doesn’t sound like the full story, but he supposes it’s a start. (It’s honestly more than he’d expected to get.)

“You say that like you wouldn’t have ways to make me believe you.” Over a decade’s worth of shared secrets, lies, and inside jokes, until they know each other just as well as they know themselves. Possibly better.

“Yeah, well, I wasn’t exactly… thinking about that,” Shinji admits. “It’s not like I really wanted anyone to know, anyway.”

That last sentence isn’t true. Akihiko knows it, and can see it written on his brother’s face. ‘I don’t want to lie to you.’ It’s not an expression that comes up a lot, but it’s one that he’s never failed to recognize.

“Why not?” Maybe he’s getting too close to one of those invisible boundaries, one that will cause Shinji to close himself off and shut himself away from him.

But he has to know.

“Figured it’d be better if everyone just… forgot about me.” And even though he seems to believe it, those words are wrong.

“That’s not true. Shinji, do you really think I would have gotten this far if you weren’t there?” This, he doesn’t get an answer to. Which is fine. He wasn’t really looking for one. (He knows what he thinks about it, but it’s not like they’ll ever know for sure.) Because he knows there’s nothing that could make him forget about Shinji.

...Not without completely erasing the rest of his life, anyway. But he doesn’t think that sort of thing counts.

The lightning buzzing through his brain voices an agreement, as much as it can when there’s no real voice behind it. Behind him.

For a moment, he understands. And this time, he speaks before it can get away. “Caesar.” Shinji seems a bit confused, so he elaborates. “My Persona’s name. It’s Caesar.” He’s not sure why he’s saying this to someone who probably already knows, but it feels like the right thing for him to do.

Besides, the more he says it out loud, the more it’s able to settle with him, convince him that it’s real. So there’s that.

“...Yeah. It is.” He gets a nod at that, and a look on his brother’s face that he can’t quite decipher, aside from that it includes a smile.

(It means, ‘I’m proud of you.’)

* * *

  
  


It’s nighttime. Despite the instinct that’s been ingrained in Shinjiro for a long time now, the world still shows no signs of turning green. He thinks, one day, he may start to find this relieving, rather than paranoia-inducing.

That day is not today. There’s still hours left until midnight, until one day blends into the next without the jarring shock of the stop in-between. (The lack of this is jarring as well, and Shinjiro has yet to find it in himself to relax.)

He’s decided to cut off Arisato’s fringe after graduation. Still hasn’t made a decision one way or the other about the hair dye. But there’s still time.

It will probably depend on whether or not he tells everyone. If he can manage it. He’s still not sure of that, and time is running out.

Time.

He holds his watch in one hand, watching the seconds tick away. The minutes. He doesn’t think he can just sit here and watch a whole hour pass, but it’d be nice to see the clock strike twelve and continue to march on.

It’d feel more real that way.

So Shinjiro waits, and watches, and falls asleep with time ticking by against a steadily beating heart.

For the first time in weeks, he sleeps with no nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They had to get somewhere eventually. Compared to that, the Evokers are unimportant.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The promised day finally arrives. They've made it.

The only time Shinjiro uses a calendar for anything is when he’s counting down to something. Moving day, a new year, the day a new movie comes out in theaters that he wouldn’t be entirely opposed to seeing, if he bothers to get the cash together. (With all the money Arisato was carrying around, this is only stopped because he’s half a year behind on just about all media.)

Arisato was a person who kept a perfect calendar, with everything scheduled meticulously, to the point that Shinjiro wonders how anyone could force their life to stick to so many beats. It’s one of the differences between them that has yet to give him away, though it helps that he’s had something to count down to.

March fifth. Graduation day. The day he gets to see if anyone but him and Aigis has remembered the promise that they’ve made. (Well, that the others made and Shinjiro just nodded along to, but who cares about that, really?)

That’s today.

Shinjiro really, really doesn’t want to get out of bed today.

But sunlight is shining through the window, and he just so happens to have actually bothered to set an alarm, and there is only so much incessant buzzing a guy can take before he goes mad.

Shinjiro enjoys having his sanity. It’s one of the few things he has nowadays that he can really claim as his own, if only because there’s nobody else it could really be sourced from. (And it definitely wasn’t Arisato. There are certain things Shinjiro associates with relative mental stability, and the person he got this body from only checks off ‘is not obviously a raving lunatic.’ Admittedly, if he had to choose just one, that would be the one he’d take as well.)

Therefore, he has to actually get up and turn off the alarm, hoping he won’t end up using more strength than necessary and breaking the clock. That would be bad. He’s not really sure where he could get another one.

The paperclip tames Arisato’s fringe with ease. This will be the last time. He’s cutting it all off after today, and that alone probably makes it worth the anticipation.

He just has to make it through the day first.

* * *

  
  


Even if the day hadn’t been marked, it would have obviously been special just by all of the excitement carried through the dormitory. Shinjiro isn’t entirely sure where all the enthusiasm comes from, but it’s almost contagious.

Almost. He doesn’t think there’s anything that could stop him from sitting down and worrying, wondering if anyone really will remember or if he’ll never really be given even a chance to come out of hiding. (Not that he knows if he’d take it, yet. He just has to hope he’ll know when the time comes.)

Aigis doesn’t seem nervous at all. But then, Aigis probably doesn’t need to use facial expressions if she doesn’t want to, so that doesn’t really count for anything. At least, Shinjiro keeps telling himself that.

“Feels kinda weird, doesn’t it?” Iori asks. Shinjiro’s not sure that it’s him he’s talking to, even tangentially. “It’s like this year just went on forever.”

He doesn’t know the half of it.

“I’m just glad it’s over.” He doesn’t know if spring break will be enough to make everyone forget what Arisato was actually like, but it’s more of a chance than he’s ever let himself believe he had before.

And besides, he has more than one reason that he’d be waiting for today.

Aki shows no signs of recalling the promise. But then, neither does anyone else. Shinjiro shouldn’t be disappointed by this- should be glad nobody else has to deal with the harsh truths that have been hidden from them- but he sort of wishes there’d be some sign he won’t just be standing on the school roof alone with a robot, waiting for a group of friends who will never arrive.

No sign appears, at least not that he can see. He stops looking.

He’ll find out soon enough.

* * *

  
  


“Do you think we should go up early?” Aigis suggests. Shinjiro almost considers it for a moment, before shrugging it off.

“What, and miss Mitsuru’s speech? She’ll have been practicing for this all month.” If not longer. Mitsuru has a tendency to go overboard on this kind of thing, and he’s not sure she even realizes it. (Sometimes she does. But even when she does, she doesn’t put in much effort to stop it. Subtlety is far beyond her at this point.)

“I was thinking more that we might want to avoid foot traffic.” But she still doesn’t make any efforts to leave, seemingly content to watch the streams of people flowing around them.

“You’d still want to wait for there to be less people around,” He points out. “And once you’ve bothered to show up… why leave?”

Aigis shrugs, which is an expression that would have been odd on her several months ago, but is now something that neither of them think about. “I suppose that is a good point. And I have never seen a high school graduation ceremony before.”

“I mean, I haven’t either, and I’ve managed fine so far, but that is gonna be us next year.” Probably. Assuming he doesn’t get a legal name change and disappear, if Mitsuru would ever go along with that. (He already knows that she wouldn’t, at least on the disappearing part. And even if she did, Aki would never forgive him.)

Fortunately, Aigis doesn’’t point out to Shinjiro that he was technically supposed to be graduating this year. They both know it, but that doesn’t make it something that needs to be said. Just the opposite, in fact.

Instead, she just continues down the hall. “In that case, we should go sit with the others. I am sure you do not want to let Akihiko-san’s efforts go unacknowledged, either.” There are things left unsaid, of course, but they can wait for later, for a time when they’re not both sitting in suspense because they’re worried about what the others will or will not remember.

Shinjiro nods, and he finds himself smiling. “All right. Let’s go, then.” And he lets himself forget everything, just for a bit, as he goes to see his brother graduate.

* * *

  
  


It is, of course, impossible for Shinjiro to miss the second that the dawning realization sweeps over the others. It’s like the jarring shock of when the world would be dipped into the Dark Hour, transforming into something clearly other before his eyes. (He’d almost hoped that this wouldn’t happen, that he’d be able to hide indefinitely, but that part of him was easily drowned out by everything else.) Except that, instead of things being twisted into a mockery of their former selves, they’re finally being made right again.

The versions of the people he’s surrounded by that know nothing of the Dark Hour aren’t the people he knew. (He barely even knew them in the first place, for the most part, but that’s irrelevant.) He’s seen cardboard cutouts that felt more real to him.

But now, there they are. The people he fought alongside, for a short time, and spent the next several months hanging around just because, all with that same dawning realization.

Even knowing it could happen, he wasn’t entirely prepared for this day to come. And now it has, and he’s going along with the rest of them, because he has no idea what else he can even do.

The view from the roof is nice enough, he supposes. It doesn’t feel like anything special to him, he’s been coming up here just about every day so he has some space to breathe without being surrounded by everyone’s expectation of Arisato, but it’s not like any of them have come up here for the view.

The others talk. Of course they do, a lot of them haven’t had proper conversations with each other in over a month. Shinjiro stands at the edge of the crowd, not sure what a good time to interject would be. (If he even can.)

“Everything makes so much more sense now.” The pure wonder in Yamagishi’s voice is something that probably doesn’t belong there, not in a world where everything is as it should be. “...Well, almost everything.”

“What do you mean?” Takeba has claimed one of the benches for herself and Ken, who seems to be just as out of place as Shinjiro feels. “It all makes a lot more sense to me.”

“It’s just…” She’s looking at him now, and he resists the urge to shrink away. No. He’s better than that. “...Minato-kun doesn’t feel like Minato-kun.”

Shinjiro has never claimed to be the best actor around. He can be a good one, when he tries, but he’s willing to admit that maybe he wasn’t trying as much as he should have been. Even still, he doesn’t particularly want to drop the act. (Doesn’t want to give up the one thing keeping him safe from the rest of the world.)

He does so anyway. “You know you’re the first person to actually tell me that to my face?” He’s holding on to a watch, out of sight, hidden in a pocket where he can reach for it whenever he needs reassurance of his identity. With his other hand, he gestures to Aki. “I mean, he sort of managed, but I still had to tell him things outright.” Not that this is a bad thing. It was good practice, after all.

Yamagishi stands back, shock visible on her face. “You… aren’t Minato-kun, are you?”

Shaking his head feels like the worst thing that Shinjiro could possibly do, the thing that subjects him to everyone’s judgement. And yet, he cannot stop himself.

And everyone stares at him. He’s spent so long invisible to them that he’s not sure how to handle this. All he knows is that there’s no running away. (Even if he did, even if he never said anything, Aki would. He wouldn’t expect anything less.)

“Then who are you?” Takeba’s tone is cold, and she glances at Yamagishi, who just shrugs in response.

“He seems familiar, but I’m not sure where it comes from…” Of course, even among those who didn’t already know, it wasn’t Yamagishi they should have been asking.

It’s Mitsuru. Mitsuru, who provided SEES with support back when they were just three kids in over their heads. Mitsuru, who knows very well what his mind feels like. (And not just because of that time right after she learned Marin Karin, during which she was accidentally using it on literally everyone.)

Mitsuru, who takes a moment to look at him more deeply than she’s bothered to look at anyone since Yamagishi showed up, and then speaks quietly, in a tone carrying equal amounts of hope and fear.

“...Shinjiro?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's probably important stuff that comes after this, but this is where the events I wanted to cover end, and so the story does, too. I may write a sequel at some point, but... I think this is enough for now.
> 
> They survived February. It wasn't necessarily great, but they did it. Shinji is probably not going to suffer Mitsuru's wrath a few seconds after the curtains close.
> 
> Yukari, on the other hand... Well. That just might be another story.


End file.
